ANSWERS

No you should not find someone on the side and you should not even be considering it! Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to ONE person always no matter what problems may come up. You took a vow to love,honor & cherish for better or for worse and that's how it should remain. I will be praying for you and your wife to solve your problems.

HI, I can fully understand your situation. As my husband and I have not had sex in over 4 years. About a year ago, I ended up having an affair with a co-worker. It is a "quiet affair" basically only hooking up at work or his other job. I do not know if I would fully recommend this, as it is very stressful. More than I ever thought it would be. However, since I have been having this affair, my life at home seems better. I get the physical attention from the affair and then am able to have a better relationship with my husband. This may not be for everyone. Each situation is different and only you know what is best for you and your marriage. I wish you all the best. Please let me know if you need to talk.

No, I don't reccomend having an affair. No sex in the last 2 years IS a problem but I think there are way bigger problems here than whether or not you are getting any sex. Your wife's unwillingness, or at least reluctance, to communicate with you as well as her personal problem with sex are 2 big ones. Without a lot more information its difficult to say but I think it speaks volumes that your wife would rather turn a blind eye to your behavior rather than get the help she needs to heal her own sexuality. That doesn't necessarily mean she has a sexual problem but someone who would rather be passive than take action to get what she needs seems to me is hurting in a deep way. Do you love and care about your wife? Does she love and care about you? If the answer to both those questions is yes, then counseling may be in order for both of you. Open communication about everything and each person treating their partner's needs as equal and as important as their own is what marriage is about. Also, consider reading the book "Truth in Dating" by Susan Campbell. Read it together and discuss it. The primary focus of the book is dating but the concepts apply to ALL relationships. You might also consider reading Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. While this book has important messages, the prose style makes it a bit difficult to read. Still, you might give it a try. I hope this help. I wish you well.

Regardless of what any of us think or suggest, you have to decide if your relationship is worth continuing and if it is, seek professional counseling for yourself and hopefully your wife will want to find a solution as well. Without going into detail, you both need to find out why she doesn't enjoy sex anymore. That's the first question and hopefully from there you will be able to see where you go with your relationship. Finding someone else on the side is a quick fix, but not a sustainable one both mentally, emotionally and physically. Good luck and I hope you find happiness in whatever decision you pursue. Life is too short and you don't get any medals for being a martyr or a saint.

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