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Is my relationship dying?

Published on March 21, 2012 by sarahsmiles123

I am currently in my first long term relationsip. We've been together for close to one year, and for the most part it's been great. This is the first time I feel like I was actually "courted" and that he really wanted to be with me. He was very affectionate, constantly complimented me, etc....

One thing that has always bothered me is that he has a lot of female friends. A lot. Since he was so affectionate and all I didn't really let it get to me. Heck, his facebook was covered in posts about me and missing me and junk so all his friends knew I was there and he seemed super happy.

For the past couple months though, he hasn't been nearly as affectionate.We talk a couple times a day still, but it isn't how it was before. Most of his replies seem to be short and like he isn't super excited to be talking to me. There's no mention of me anymore on his facebook. (it does still say he's still in a relationship with me, obviously) He just doesn't seem head over heels anymore.

Is this normal for long term relationships? Has he just gotten too comfortable? Maybe I've become distant as well, but haven't noticed?

Anywho, because of all of this I kept nagging him about all of his female friends.I haven't met a few of them...and they are always all over his stuff on facebook. He swore that nothing was happening..he's been cheated on so he knows how it feels and would never do it...I meant the world to him...he wants to marry me...all that good stuff. But I kept nagging, then finally snapped. We got into a huge fight. I said really mean things cause I was so upset. He is now hurt....frustrated....it's awful. I've apologized a million times, but he has made it known that he doesn't think I can change. So, I joined a support group to work with my insecurity issues and all that jazz. I do feel like I'm doing better, so I sent him a really heartfelt message. It pretty much was just me owning up to my part, apologizing, and then I told him that he's been distant.

He apologized for being distant. Said he hadn't noticed he was doing it. Told me he loved me so much, but didn't have time to write a "worthy reply" because he was at work, but he would. later that night I saw him on facebook talking to his best friend, but I didn't have a reply. So, after awhile I jokingly said to him "so much for that 'worthy reply :p" he said "hush it. :P" so I asked if he did intend on sending a reply...he said yes. then got off of facebook.

Now it's the next day, hes of course at work, but I'm feeling like he just proved me right and continued being distant. Or am I reading too much into this? Is he maybe just trying to wait till he can come up with a good reply or something? It's not like he hasn't talked to me since last night. He texted me "hello beautiful, how is your day going?" earlier.....so yeah....I feel like I'm just letting my insecurities get the better of me. I mean..I have been cheated on before so I can't really trust my instincts. I know I sometimes expect the worst of guys cause of it. Everyone I know....including his best friend....tell me how freaking crazy he is about me. In fact, my friend told me after the massive fight that he had messaged her on facebook a week before asking what to do for our anniversary cause he wants to make it really special. So, that does make me feel like the love is still there....he just doesn't feel like he has to show it as much.

I'm sure I sound nuts and needy...that's why I'm trying to better myself.
I just really want to know if we're growing apart.....or if this is just normal for a couple that have been together for awhile?

ANSWERS

Well, I would say it is a bit normal. Once the infatuation phase wears off, getting to know each other and building the relationship starts. HOWEVER, you have to have your needs met in a relationship. Rather than "nag" him about his female friends, let him know that you would like for him to be more affectionate. In addition, maybe you should try being more affectionate. It is very possible that both of you have gotten comfortable and haven't been as loving as the two of you used to be. As far as him talking to his friend, let it go. Lol Sometimes it is easier to talk with your friends than reply to an important email. You need to be able to communicate effectively in order to get what you want out of the relationship. It is good that you are addressing your insecurities. Those can break a relationship. It sounds like you two really love each other. I wish you two the best!

You don't have to apologize a million times. One sincere one about your behavior is sufficient. Keep working with your support group. These things don't automatically change overnight. And, as you go along in life with him, are you going to be able to work around his many female friends? If yes, you'll have to find a way to curb the insecurity because these friends probably won't disappear. He was that way when you met him. I don't want to be mean, but, we don't want to see you getting into fights about this because otherwise, it seems like a sweet relationship to build on.

thank you both SO much. it's helped more than you probably realize. i finally got him to open up to me today. he admitted that he's really depressed, and just wants some time "to learn to love myself again so i can love you the way you deserve to be loved" we're still together. we'll still talk some...but he just wants to be alone so he doesnt "bring me down" hes suffered from depression for years, is even on medication for it, and maybe i've been to focused on myself to notice his feelings. so i'll let him have his space...as much as it suckssssss. ;P thanks again, y'all. :)

Keep going to your support group. Being with someone who is clinically depressed is really difficult. They seem to improve for a period of time, then they go downhill. They have nothing to give. They suck all of the life out of you. Do an internet search for: [HTML_REMOVED]married to a depressed man[HTML_REMOVED] to get a feel for the challenge.

thank you for your help. i've already started researching it, and as tough as it seems...i love him to death and i'm willing to stick it out through thick and thin. i think both me and him have a lot of stuff to work on. but hopefully it'll be worth it.

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