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My partner of over 5 years has fallen in love with his co-worker.

Published on April 6, 2010 by viva

It all started when my BF was hiring a marketing assistant around 2 years ago. At the time I was looking for work, but my boyfriend refused to interview me, or involve me in his work in any way (I have designed the logo for his company and all the visual communication) He was interviewing candidates together with his boss, and they both were struck by how stylish this one candidate was. She was a Siberian girl that lived in Germany, she was a small woman with pixie black hair. We shall call her Jen, who came prepared to the interview and impressed my BF and his boss.

After Jen was hired my BF talked about her non-stop. In a few months that followed Jen invited a coworker, my BF and me to meet her boyfriend. Right from the beginning it was clear that the relationship has been developing between my BF and Jen. The co-worker kept pointing out how Jen always talks and flirts with my BF. I had a conversation with her to see what kind of person she was and she talked about her female coworkers in a very negative light and seams to have an air of familiarity with my BF - even though he was her boss, she behaved as if she was the boss. Alarm bells went off for me that night, just under two years ago. BF denied that he was linked to her romantically and I believed him

BF (now my Ex) kept talking about their relationships, he started seeing her more and more after work for drinks. Meeting her and her BF for lunch and breakfast on weekends. When her BF had to monitor an overseas project for 4 months - Jen invited my Ex to spend nights with her. During all this time I was devastated. He would come home and drink heavily, we would argue, he would tell me how fat / ugly / stupid I was (none of those things are true - I'm trim, good looking, successful designer). He blamed it on his work saying he has so much stress right now, so I forgave him. I could feel us drifting apart but I hang onto our relationship because I loved him and hoped things will get better. However his demeanour will always change when Jen called him or SMS him - he would start smiling and making jokes. I started to realise that he doesn't love me anymore and I'm fighting a losing fight.

This New Years eve I saw an SMS from her which talked about sex - he was passed out drunk so I went through his phone and found a whole lot more of the SMSes talking about their affair. I've confronted my now EX about it and we didn't even wish Happy New year to each other... Now Jen is still with her boyfriend but keeps an affair going with my Ex. My Ex told me he loved me and he was a fool for what he has done "running around with Jen", but whenever we tried to make things work he would get a call from Jen or SMS... about their love. I cant keep giving him chances, I'm tired from all the heartache he put me through, and now I'm not so sure I love him anymore...

ANSWERS

Cut him out of your life completely. He does not love you. He just wants to be with you and keep having the affair because Jen is still with her boyfriend. Someone who really loved you would never treat you that way. You don't need to stay friends with him, you don't owe him anything. It's time to close the door on him once and for all. Just tell him it's over and you aren't interested in staying friends or keeping in contact with him. Don't accept his calls or emails. And just move on. Once he's out of your life for good, you'll realize a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

You need to cut this guy out of your life. He is toxic and you don't need that. His self-absorption is bringing you down. Don't take him back. He's had second chances and he blew them. You need to make a clean break and start dating someone who wants to be with you.

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