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My partner doesn't seem interested in sex anymore...

Published on October 17, 2012 by shellzy

I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years. In that time we have had a son who is 6 months old. since falling pregnant and the birth of our son my partner is not interested in sex any more like 5 times in 18 months :( all though i have asked the question why his reply is his not interested. i was wanting peoples advise as to what i should do ??? as i don't fell any spark between us any more.

ANSWERS

Hi Shelly. Congratulations on having your baby. I am sorry about your situation.

Many times I have found that creating an emotional "space" between two people to share their feelings honestly helps open communication. To do this, consider making time to talk - just a few minutes. Openly share your feelings (use "I" statement - only focus on how you are feeling) in a way that you are letting him know how you feel, and not to try to coax him to share or make him feel a certain way.

Without knowing the details of your situation, I'll suggest something that may be totally incorrect, but I hope it conveys the tone:

"When we first met I felt a special connection. As I continued to learn more about you that connection grew stronger and I grew to care for you deeply. I am not sure what happened; about a year ago I felt that connection start to dim and I feel sad. As my emotions have changed over time, both up and down, I never did ask you how you feel and I apologize about that. I just want you to know how I feel."

Then stop and don't say anything. If he does not respond, just say, "thank you for listening" and walk away. If he does respond, I hope it creates a power conversation for you.

blessings

Keeping the spark alive after having children-- especially when their still young-- can be a challenge. A baby can bring big changes to your lives. Amazing and wonderful changes and also some that are more difficult.

If there is someone you trust to watch your son for a short periods of time, ask your partner to set aside that time for connecting. You don't necessarily need to be sexual during that time all of the time. In fact, if sex is a tricky subject for you two right now, start out just having fun with one another or talking (not about your baby or other usual topics).

As you are learning how to be the best parents you can be to your son, make sure you are also making regular time to connect in with one another. This will help you re-ignite passion.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto

Some men, while they still love you just as much as ever, have a tough time seeing a woman in both a motherly roll and as a lustful sex partner. Case in point - walk in on your 50'ish parents having sex, and your reaction is anything from "EWWWW!" to "I'M BLIND!" Seeing someone as something other than the image with which you have come to strongly associate them just seems WRONG.

Make an effort to set aside time with him when you two can be adults - not parents (Date Night!). Do other things that re-establish the image of you as a sexual being in his eyes. Maybe a special blouse or dress that you wear when you want some loving. When he sees that, subconsciously, he goes from thinking of you as a mommy to being a sex kitten.

Scent is also very important - it's the sense most strongly tied to memory. Wash up and change clothes before trying to seduce him. My wife breast-fed our kids when they were babies, and the faint scent of milk on the tops she wore while nursing a baby was an anti-aphrodisiac because it evoked an image that just screamed "MOMMY!". The smell of Desitin or baby powder on your hands from changing diapers may also evoke anti-sex images.

One couple I know goes so far as to use different names to create almost separate identities. Chuck and Linda are the parents who do the chores, wash clothes, pay bills, bath the kids, and go to school plays. However, once the kids are sound asleep or it's Date Night, they're Mike and Shaylene, who have a very healthy sex life, and do things that Chuck and Linda would never dream of doing. Sounds weird, but it works for them.

If all else fails, break the rules and cheat (not in the affair sense) as much as it takes to win the game (one American general used to say, "If you're not cheating, you don't want to win badly enough - only losers care about a fair fight!").

Strip down and surprise him while he's in the shower. What man isn't turned on by the sight of his partner wet and soapy and sporting a lecherous grin?

"Attack at dawn" Men's testosterone (and, due to that, horniness) tends to peak in the morning (that why we wake up with "morning missiles"). Take shameless advantage of his daily hormonal cycle by waking up 30 minutes before he'd normally be waking up, reach for him under the covers, take his "buddy" (which is probably already at least half hard at that time of the morning) in hand and start molesting the hell out of him. He'll be thinking he's having a VERY nice dream, and when he wakes up enough to realize he's not dreaming, he'll want to finish what you've started. If this DOESN'T work, call the morgue - he's already DEAD!

Well, (if you haven't already) get into shape and put on something sexy. No talking in necessary. Good Luck!

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