YOUR VOTE

0 0

7 ANSWERS

Give Advice: My Husband Watches Porn

Published on June 2, 2012 by exotic_momma

My husband and I have been married for over six years. I noticed that my husband downloads porn on his mobile phone. This is insulting to me and makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. I feel like this means that I can't satisfy him sexually.

Whenever we have sex, I feel like he's thinking about some porn stars. What can I do to avoid these feelings? Is it okay for my husband to be watching porn? Help!

ANSWERS

Thoughts can really take you to painful places. From what you write, it sounds like you have a couple of related issues going on.

1) Your thoughts about your body, yourself and worries about what your husband is thinking while you are having sex are getting in the way of you really being present to the truth. The comparing game always hurts so try to stop yourself when you notice you're doing that. You also can't know what your husband is thinking while you are having sex (unless he is verbal about it).

Bottom line-- keep bringing yourself back to what you know is true.

2) If you're bothered by your husband's porn use, be honest with him about this. Without making him wrong for watching porn, let him know that you feel like you're not enough because he watches porn (or whatever it is you feel). You might ask him to help you understand what he gets out of watching porn and maybe come up with agreements about his porn use. Perhaps the two of you could also come up with some ideas for how to spice up your sex life-- that you BOTH find appealing, not just him.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Collins

Hi there...

Thank you for your reply... Yeah i admit that it's the thoughts i'm having is the real problem... However i cant seem to get the thoughts out of my head... Even during the day, when i'm at work, there's this negative voice keep saying that i'm not good enough, keeps reminding me that he's looking at other women besides me...

It's really killing my self-esteem and very demoralising... Sometimes i feel that i overeacted but the truth is, i'm just hurt by his doings... Somehow i feel insulted.... :'(

You aren't overreacting. You are right to be angry about the porn.

All addicts value their addiction over the real human beings in their lives. They cannot deal with pain and negative emotions, so they medicate with alcohol, drugs, porn, etc. Their needs come first; yours are unimportant.

He won't change if you stay with him. You need to leave. Give him a referral to someone who specializes in core trauma, and walk out.

Hi VetteG,

Thank u for ur reply dear...

Leaving is not an option for me... We have 4 beautiful children and i'm not gonna get the kids to be emotionally involved in our matters. Its either he change and i will get better or i deal with my own feelings and try to forget... Whichever the option is, i just dont know how to do it... I dont want to be upset my whole life... And i want him to put a stop to it... But i just dont know how...

You will be amazed what can be learned by studying porns with a close eye. If you are lucky, he is studying their every move, and learning how to please you, more than your wildest dreams even knew existed. You never know; he just might be watching them to change your world and make your sex life fantabulous. That's what rocked my world. Anyway, some women actually enjoy watching porns with their husbands. Try it sometime. You just might find you like them.

ANSWER THIS QUESTION