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My husband rejects me

Published on March 2, 2012 by maren1409

Hello, my husband and me have been married for a little over a year and we have been together for five years. Since about a year or so, his sex drive seems to have "disappeared". We love each other very much and used to have a great sex life, but it has been going down hill. I try to talk to him openly, but it always seems like I am holding monologues and he never wants to open up about desires etc. I tried new underwear for example and he doesn't seem to pay much attention or care. Don't get me wrong, he is a very sweet man, but it is very frustrating for me to know that no matter what I try, I will be rejected. He does have a stressful job as a soldier, but his colleagues do too and I know that they have love lives that are "alive" . No little surprises, nothing. I told him I don't expect anything for valentines day, but of course some small surprise would be sweet! I got him a little something, I got nothing... I usually don't care about valentines, because to me it is more important what happens throughout the year and not that one day, but I surely would have liked a little surprise... Are my expectations too high? Because I don't think his lack of interest and decreasing sex drive is normal

ANSWERS

No, it's not normal. The question is: What does it mean? Is it an affair? Is it PTSD? Is it a medical condition? It's impossible for you to know the next step until you figure out what it is. What explanation does he give?

I agree. Sometimes a stressful career and advancing age can dampen a person's sexual appetite. Hwoever, there could be something mroe going on here, that needs to be discovered at the core. It could also be a medical concern. However, it sounds like more of a psychological issue here.

Talk to your husband to see if he is willing to seek medical help, or even the help of a therapist. If he is unwilling to do either, whether it stems from pride or a flat out resistance, at least you will know that he may not be as willing as you are to save your relationship. Sometimes, if he feels unattrative due to weight gain, advancing age, or other issues beyond his control, this could kill his sex drive as well. In that case, you have to do what you can to make him feel desirable again.

Still, before you delve any further, consider what would happen if he resists help and why he might do that? The truth could be more than you can actually handle.

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