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My husband looks at other women a little too much. What should I do?

Published on July 28, 2009 by karenkayne

I know men look at women and vice versa and I never thought something like this would bother me as I would like to think of myself as pretty open minded. But my husband (only 1 yr married) practically throws his neck out to look at other women - most moderately attractive. Sometimes when we are out together he spends the entire time staring at other women to the point of neglecting me. The last time we went out to a restaurant/bar for drinks he spent the entire time staring at women to the point he didn't notice that I had finished my drink and he ordered another for himself and didn't even ask me. Am I being to sensitive or is he being a jerk? If so, what should I do?

ANSWERS

I think it's good manners to pay attention to the person you're with. We all know our spouses notice attractive people, but that doesn't mean they need to stare. It shouldn't be obvious to you when he looks. (Really, if he's staring that much, it might be too obvious to the women as well.)

Talk to him about it nicely. He might be willing to be more discreet if he knows it's upsetting you.

Look at other men. Men thrive on jealousy. He may very well be using this technique on you in order to keep you on your toes.

He's being a jerk. I'll admit, sometimes its hard for me to not just stare at an amazingly attractive woman (or feminie body part{s}), but most good men know better than to do that. Its great that you recognize that, to a degree, it really doesn't mean anything, but he sounds like a frat boy at a beer party.

I'd say its high time you sat him down and talked with him about it. As Black Iris suggests, be nice for now. He may also be completely unaware as to how much its affecting you, or to what degree he is doing it. If he is a repeat offender then start putting the screws to him.

I'd advise against the "tit-for-tat" move that coloredinsides is suggesting. I don't really advise that when you're dating since I don't care for games like that, but there definitely shouldn't be games like that in a marriage. Sit down with your hubby and let him know how you feel. Don't attack. Men are notorious for not being communicative about what they are dealing with already, and attacking us right off the bat only makes us crawl further in our shell, but let him know how it makes you feel, understanding that its not a problem to glance at another woman, but it is a problem when you like like your stalking them with your eyes.

I'm pretty sensitive about my own looks when compared to others, and when I'm out with a guy, I try to take that into account. If I can count to eight and he's still staring, then it's not just me, he's being rude. If it bothers you, you should talk to him. Try not to be accusitory and tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him you understand that as humans we have a tendency to look at each other, but ettiquette says staring is rude and it make you uncomfortable. Maybe word it a little better, and as long as he's fairly reasonable he'll be able to see your point without feeling attacked, and he'll keep it to a glance at her, and an oogle at you.

Sweetie, there is a CONTRARIAN psychological technique that can get him to focus 100% on you, but you'll have to think like a man to pull it off.

Next time he looks at another woman, instead of comparing yourself, or feeling jealous, JOIN IN ON THE OOGLE!

If you were to say, "Yeah, I think she is hot, too." you have accomplished a few things in his mind.

  1. You have acknowledged his visual instincts and NOT shown you were threatened. This actually makes you MORE confident and MORE appealing to him-Guaranteed.

  2. You have given him a slight and subtle "bi-curious" comment which will perk him up and get him to think about YOU in a very naughty fashion. Regardless of your opinion of bi-sexuality, the mere mention of it is enough to stimulate him to refocus back to you.

Good luck...I know the contrarian answer may slap you in the face of your sensibilities. But is is worth a try. You can always go back to complaining or feeling bad about it if my method doesn't work. But, after you try it a few times, he may still gawk at women, but your confidence will bring him to YOUR bed forever.

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