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My husband is interested in polyamory.

Published on May 2, 2012 by a12v0

Recently my husband and I started exploring different things in the bedroom like role playing. But he also mentions he more interested in having an open marriage and polyamory,which is  a term i have never heard but involves a third person living with us that we also have sex which in this case a woman. I have always fantasized about romantic affairs personally but never attempted anything. 

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There is a big difference between role playing in the bedroom with your partner and re-negotiating the monogamy agreement you have. While there are certainly plenty of people who are in polyamorous relationships, YOU need to decide if this is something you are interested in and open to.

We encourage you to do more research about polyamory if you're new to this term and a lot more talking with your husband about exactly what he has in mind. The tricky thing about polyamorous relationships is that there is a lot of room for confusion, jealousy and hurt feelings. It would be vitally important for you two to have very clear agreements-- that actually get kept-- about what this would mean if you moved forward and said "yes" to this.

You would need to do very honest soul searching within yourself to see if you truly could be okay with sharing him with another woman. Your husband would need to be honest with himself-- and you-- to see if he'd be willing to share you with another man or woman if you decide to pursue someone else.

Ultimately, you get to decide if this is something you are willing to allow in your marriage. If your answer is "no," then you and your husband can talk about ways to ensure you both are satisfied and happy in the marriage. Make sure you keep sharing honestly and clearly with one another to keep your connection and trust healthy.

Best Wishes, Susie and Otto Collins

While I am all in favor of spicing up one's married sex life (by the way - kudos for trying), swinging or other open arrangements are notorious for leaving someone feeling hurt or left out when it really happens (ironically enough - often the husband who suggested it finds out he can't handle the sight of his wife with another man). Tell him he can have all the dream lovers he wants, but yours is the only flesh and blood body you want sharing the sheets with him.

This is not something that a couple use to spice up a marriage getting play toys and porn is. This is a life style and has its ups and down and I think it take a special couple that talk through things all the time with trust that us so deep that its hard to explain. I know this because we are living it, while it gets hard some times my wife of over 30 years and I talk things out I think its harder on her because it is another women that is 12 years younger then us which i believe make her think that I would rather be with the other women then her which is far from the truth. Now the other part of it is the people around you like my children and grand children just love her and think its wonderful that she is involved in our life and her kids just love us also so I would say you need to have many long discussion about this over the next few years and then see what happens and remember that the main reason marriages break up over this is jealousy sometime from both sides.

What an excuse to fool around!! A made up name by some person who had this affliction.

The only thing that I can tell you is that this would be the greatest mistake in your life.

I have seen this happen to too many couples, that later split up (one was murder/suicide) to advise on anything else. The marriage bed is for the married couple. Only.

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