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Is my boyfriend too close with his ex?

Published on December 3, 2012 by mshaught27

My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months and we've started basically living together now. When I met him he told me about his ex and that they were best friends and that's it. They dated for 2 years and he dumped her 3 years ago. Since then they got back together once for a short time, but he called it off again. They're super close and talk every day multiple times a day. He calls her in front of me some times and she's always posting on his Facebook their inside jokes ect. I have never met her because she doesn't come around, but he hangs with her periodically on his own. One night he went to dinner at her apt and didnt come home. He claims he got drunk and passed out on her couch. We have a great relationship and don't have any problems, but I have to wonder how committed he can be to me when she's in the picture. We're about to go on a trip and he wants to buy her something while we're there. He says it's what best friends do. He says they're just friends, but I think he loves her. He's getting the physical side from me and the emotional from her. I believe he even texts her the same pics and questions he texts me, so he can have both of our opinions. What do I do?

ANSWERS

Only you can answer that question. If you feel he is too close to his ex, have a heart-to-heart with him. If he respects you, he will respect your wishes and figure out how to add distance between him and his Ex. If he puts his own needs above yours (ie. his needs for closeness to that Ex), then you have to ask yourself if you want to sign yourself up for this. There are men that come with much less baggage than that. If you don't want that baggage, the sooner you dump it, the less burden you will feel. Do what is right for you, but have the honest conversation about how it makes you feel first. You owe it to him. Men (and women) can be dense sometimes. Tell him how you feel about his closeness to the Ex. Let him know that you really appreciate that he is being open about his relationship with her. (Believe me!! It could be worse!! He could be that close to her and be HIDING it from you!) So let him know the parts you appreciate too. Good luck!

This is a very bad situation for you. What makes it worse is that he asked in advance for your permission to love another woman. That means he doesn't even feel guilty.

I think this is a no-win.

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