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Is my boyfriend feeling something for his co-worker?

Published on February 2, 2012 by stefanie17

My boyfriend and I were sitting at a bar eating lunch and he was texting his co-worker to see what days she was taking her vacation because him and I were trying to plan our own vacation. She responded with the dates, then quickly texted him another response saying, "I almost called you last night." He quickly turned his phone away because I was watching him while he was texting. I do know that her boyfriend recently broke up with her and she just wanted to stop herself from calling him which is why she was texting my boyfriend that. When I asked him why he turned his phone away he said he didn't want to make me upset because he knows I am sensitive about them being friends (but he still tells me all this stuff about her, her boyfriends, issues, etc.). I just feel like there's something else going on. He did admit that he shouldn't have turned his phone away, but it just doesn’t sit well with me still. Also, this week when she got back in from her vacation, it was his day off that day, but he went into work to figure out what the income was going to be for the month. He rarely goes in on his day off and he said he could of waited until the next day, but he wanted to know before that. I am being too touchy about this??

ANSWERS

Stephanie - healthy relationships enjoy mutual trust based in the character of the individuals. People of integrity say what they mean and mean what they say. If your boyfriend has told you he is not interested in her and affirms that he is in an exclusive relationship with you, then you need to believe him and let go in order to keep him. If he is not trustworthy, then you will want to ask yourself why you would continue with such an individual.

WELL...regardless, you should set up boundaries. She doesn't need to call him at night. That should be the first rule. He turned his phone away because he knows that it is inappropriate. Why don't you send him something to his job? Maybe a thing of roses that says "I just wanted to flip the script and let you know how much I love and appreciate you. Can't wait for our vacation together!" Lol (If you two love each other and whatnot. I don't know what stage of the relationship you two are in.) Also, it sounds like he talks about her a lot...call me paranoid, but my husband doesn't get to know his female co workers that well. At any rate, you should trust him until he gives you a reason not to. He might just want to be a good friend to her in her time of "need".

It sounds like they are having an emotional affair. Sometimes emotional affairs have nothing to do with romantic attraction. It has to do with being very close to a friend of the opposite sex, looking forward to seeing them every day at lunch, eating lunch together, talking every day by pnone or text. Unfortunately, if a person is in a relationship, this friendship is not something that's good for the relationship.

Male/female friendships have a different dynamic. Even if they are not attracted to each other, you want to be his best friend. It is inappropriate for them to be in contact after work. She needs to discuss her relationship problems with a girlfriend, not him. He has crossed boundaries. Find an article on emotional affairs and share it with him. Tell him you are not comfortable with them communicating after work. If he makes excuses and refuses to give her up, then you know where his feelings lie.

Look for red flags. Does he leave his cell phone on the table when he goes to another room, or does he guard it and bring it into the bathroom when he's taking a shower. Pretend you left your cell at home, etc., and ask to use his pnone. Is he worried? Trust your gut. It's usually right. It's possible for men and women to be friends, but when their's intense daily contact, it's not appropriate, and can ruin the primary relationship, rightly so. Good luck.

Thank you for your advice. I can definitely agree with this. I've asked him before if he thought we were best friends and he said no. I don't feel close to him and everyday I am in my head about what to do with him. If I should break up with him or keep this going and never moving any closer to each other. It actually makes me feel depressed more often than not.

Hi Stefanie17, You only have one life to live, and no sense in settling. Your significant other should be your best friend, your greatest cheerleader, and your greatest supporter. If you're more unhappy than happy in your relationship, and you've tried to communicate to your partner what you need to be in a good relationship, and they haven't come through, then it's time to say you gave it your best shot and move on. Too many women cling to men who don't meet their needs because they say they love him. Love is never enough. It takes a whole list of must-haves to be in a healthy and happy relationship. Love yourself to do what's best for yourself. Sometimes you're too close to the situation to see things clearly. When you break up with him and eventually find a man worthy of you, you will wonder why you ever put up with mediocre. I did the same thing once. Good luck.

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