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My Boyfriend doesn't have TIME FOR ME. WHY?

Published on May 22, 2012 by chocolatebrain

I am a completely chilled out person. There are only a few things I asked of my bf...

1. I will call about 3 times a day, pick it up.

2. I will message random stuff about what's happening but just reply if it's a question (usually like 5 texts in a day)

3. call me or text me when u think of me (but he never calls or texts in a day.. unless I message or call 1st)

So he tried picking up my calls but he picked up just to say "I'm busy with my friends, I'll call u back" and then he doesn't call at all the whole day. It might be 2 or 3 after midnight and sometimes he calls but most of the time he doesn't.

Well I usually never send texts he has to reply to cuz he's always busy with his friends... but one day I messaged at 7am "have dinner with me tongiht?"

I waited till 5pm and still no message or reply. So finally I called him and what does he say, "oh I'ven't read any messages yet". That day I got really pissed off and called him few times and he put me in Call Reject list. so I texted him how I felt about it and was so depressed. Then the next whole day not a message or call. The day after that I called him finally during lunch and I was like, "Don't u know ur supposed to call someone when they're upset?" and he just laughed and said, "yea." and I was like so why didn't u and he's like "dunno."

Well then I asked him, "how could u not feel like calling after reading my texts." and he was like, "i haven't read them yet".

I gave him so much time and he didn't read them. so I asked, "why not". and his reply was, "u sent me so many texts and they were long."

I only sent like 5 texts... and that made me so angry (never felt so upset and angry before in my life) that I yelled at him and he said sorry but after that he ruined it by saying, "I was like this from the beginning when we 1st started going out" and "Is it necessary to pick up all ur calls and read all ur messages."

So based on this I know I should just dump his ass but he said so many things like, "I can't imagine my life without u" "I have never met a girl like u" "I don't think I can find another girl who would care for me as much as you" "I love you" "I wanna marry u someday" and he stopped smoking so I'd stop...

But his actions are way different from his words... It's more 'like out of sight, out of mind.

 

His actions that're pissing me off this year:

-cutting my calls most of the time and then never calling back or messaging why I get cut off.

-conversation with me is "hey I'm busy g2g" or "what ya doing. ok then. bye"

-not initiating anything.. like meeting me/hanging out with me. Haven't seen or hungout for about half month.

-giving me excuses for not being able to hangout: hanging out with his guy friends (all the time, everyday)

(only time I feel he cares is when he's with me in person, otherwise I don't even feel he remembers me)

 

My recent insecurity related bad habits: (most of which he doesn't know about cuz he doesn't speak to me or try to find out)

-after waiting to have a normal conversation with him for many days... finally one day when he cuts me off, I go crazy and keep calling him till he either picks up or cuts me off or turns off his phone.(usually happens 1ce every 6 days of waiting)

-now when he picks up my call I don't wanna end the call cuz I don't know when he'll pick up or call or message again... but usually he says bye within 3 min and just cuts me before I say bye. (which again pisses me off, cuz I feel like he doesn't wanna speak to me at all and he just picks up the phone cuz he doesn't wanna get me pissed off)

-I have exams coming up and the whole time I'm looking at the time thinking what would be the best time to call so he'd pick up. I am not studying at all!

-I cry myself to sleep, I can't read romance books cuz it makes me depressed. I can't listen to people talk about their relationship.

-I keep thinking, "what if..." :

      he's lying to me.

      doesn't want to be with me anymore

      is using me

      doesn't know how to breakup and is actually waiting for me to do it

      is cheating on me

      found someone else that he likes and is dating her and keeping me in the dark since I give him space and don't follow like a shadow..

      everything he has ever said is a lie

      he'll never give me the respect I deserve and I'm waiting for a lost cause

      this vicious cycle that he's made me fall into make everyday worse and worse?

      everytime i give him break of 6 days to change his way before I go crazy... what if he feels this is how i'll be and is scared to be with me cuz of it.

 

Basically I know in the end I've to leave him if he's not willing to treat me better.

I believe that if a guy really likes you he'll overcome all troubles to be with you but it's not happening in my relationship at all.

Once I leave him there's no coming back so I want to try my best to make it work from my end, what should I do to make him excited about hanging out, calling and texting with me more ofte (our sexual relationship was never the problem, he loves me in bed, but nowadays I don't even want him to even kiss me the few times we meet).

 

ANSWERS

Dear ChocolateBrain: Gosh girl, you better hit those books and study. Trust me. You can't get into college or get a job with failing grades and you can't tell your interviewer that you flunked out because you were having relationship issues. I always say "love yourself first" - it's kind of my motto. Why? Because it's the answer to every relationship question on the planet. I wish I had time to respond to all I read, but let's address at least what popped out at me while reading about ... your life. Because honestly it doesn't seem like much of a "life" (which, by the way, is supposed to be happy and not overly stressed a minimum of 90% of the time). At first glance you seem like a bit of a control freak with the minimum and maximum amount of texting at what time, and what requires an answer and what doesn't. Life doesn't work that way - ever. But, actually, I think you learned that behavior as a mechanism to deal with getting no response at all, most of the time. It's a form of desperation, and if there's one thing that sends a guy (or anyone) south, is the "D" word. Men can actually smell it, see it, feel it, taste it and it's a relationship killer. If you can, in your head, reverse the rolls and try to think how all those demands would make you feel. Next up ... your "boyfriend" is a player. Real boyfriends pick up phones, and don't just tell you they "want to marry you" when they're in the throws of passion. He tells you that while he's getting what he wants and you may be getting what you want - for the moment - but it doesn't last. And when it's over, you feel alone again and even more "D" than you did before. It's not healthy for you, mentally, physically and generally. Do something good for you for once and drop the "boy-friend" and pick up the books. You'll have plenty of time after graduation to deal with your love life, and you may even know a lot more about yourself by then. Impress yourself, love yourself and then love will find you.

Well as a man I would say he isnt your boyfriend mainly because a man in love needs to hear that voice even if he doesnt say anything and it drive him crazy to be apart at least that is how I am and after 30 years I still am so I think its time to find a man who loves you and feels like he will die when your not together

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