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Give Advice: How Do I Cope With My Boyfriend's Depression?

Published on August 3, 2010 by eimeo

My boyfriend of five months has recently admitted that he thinks he's clinically depressed (I've suspected for a while, having suffered from depression myself in the past). I want to help him through this and he wants to continue the relationship, but says he needs space. I understand that, because I was the same when I was depressed - I didn't want anyone around me and I didn't want to talk about it (but we weren't together at the time; I was single and I could pretty much be as anti-social as I wanted, as I live alone). So I do have some insight into depression and how he's feeling, but I'd love to hear from other people who've coped with their partner's depression. He's doing his best, but he's very withdrawn and doesn't want to talk about what he's going through, and I'm doing my best but it's hard sometimes not to feel rejected. Can anyone relate?

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My response would be for you to suggest he go talk to a professional. Men are typically bad about talking how they feel and when you add depression to the mix it gets worse. Depressive symptoms respond well to structure. A therapist can assist him in putting together such a plan. I would be asking myself if this is a red flag in the relationship that after only five months he is "clinically depressed". Early in a relationship are meant to be fun, exciting and full of energy.

Many thanks for your advice - I appreciate it, and I will be gently encouraging him to make sure he speaks to his doctor when he gets home (he's currently on a much-needed holiday). I do think it's a little bit unfair to call his depression a "red flag" though: it's a medical condition, and he's doing his best to deal with his symptoms.

I agree with John. I've suffered with depression off and on for years and mine got so much better with medication AND most important---therapy. Some of the symptoms may fade and dhe may feel a little better but they will return and if not treated may lead to panic and/or anxiety attacks. Therapy can teach him coping skills so he won't have to be on medication daily for the rest of his life. I havent had to take my meds for more than a year. I still sometimes feel myself slipping down in that dark well (just last week in fact) but the coping skills i learned helped so much and i was a bit better after less than a day.

i feel your pain i live with my husband that is very deprest he is on meds he been having bad days more than good ones, but know it does get better, bad days all you can do is give your love let him know you are there for him,and make sure tell him he will get better , make sure he sees hes doctor, its not easy, but wene you love that person with depretion it makes it little easy to kope,good luck and god bless you

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