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my bf keeps me guessing on what he's up to

Published on December 9, 2010 by funkydiva

my bf and i live together.  i get upset when he doesn't tell me what he's doing before he does it.  he says he doesn't want to feel obligated to "report" to me and if i want to know i should just ask.
 

i hate wondering where he is but i don't want to be calling him or texting him with "where are you?"  all the time.  so i just end up sitting at home stewing, with my imagination running wild.

 

on one hand i think maybe i should just get a life and let him lead his.  on the other, i feel disclosure and honesty is important to build trust.  and the fact that he won't do it does not bode well for the relationship.

 

am i being unreasonable? he says having to tell me his every move is too much to ask and that if i trust him i shouldn't expect him to.

 

ANSWERS

You should probably sit down together and talk about this. He doesn't have to "report" to you like child, but he should respect that it upsets you when you have no idea what he's up to. If it's a trust thing, you should tell him that. If he's not doing anything bad, like cheating, he should tell you what he's doing. If he refuses to tell you (or tells you something that just doesn't sound right), take that as a red flag. You don't want to nag and pester him every time he walks out the door, but if you're living together he shouldn't mind giving you a heads up when he's going somewhere alone. Talk to him about it, and see how he reacts. It's really not a big deal to tell your partner if you're going out with friends or running to the gym or something. It IS a big deal if you're seeing someone else or doing something dishonest. That could be where the defensiveness comes from. Also-- ask him if a past girlfriend nagged him about his whereabouts. That could also be why he gets so upset. Good luck!

He cant even call u while he is hanging out to check how u doing .i dont think u r on his mind.You should ask n he should tell u without u asking.You have sex with this person

Couples in an exclusive relationship are accountable to each other. It's just plain respect to let someone know what your plans are. If he doesn't treat you the way you treat him, and he ignores reasonable requests, maybe it's time to move on and find a man who knows how to treat a woman.

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