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my best friend and I hooked up, he has a gf, what do I do?

Published on April 6, 2010 by aura

i have been friends with this guy for many many years, we have always been very close friends sharing everything, seeing each other through breakups, bad times good times, always talking about life and stuff. we had a little sexual tension a loooong time ago, but just as it came to the surface, I moved away for years. we corresponded n stuff,and He has had a girlfriend for about the past 2 years. I just moved back home. He told her (and me) that he did not see their relationship lasting forever, but it has been a while now, and she is in love with him, but he tells me that he isnt happy, and cant seem to end it as her life is very difficult right now. He has recently told her that he is not in love with her, like she is with him. they fight a lot, i guess.. so, We hooked up one night, out of the blue. It was real and pasionate and frightend me with its intensity. he felt it too, we have discussed it, and I have told him that nothing more should happen until he ends his relationshp because I dont want to mess things up any worse than I have already. I know it was wrong to have done and i feel really bad. the gf has no idea that anything has happened. How do I not lose the friendship, not mess anything else up, and am I wrong for thinking that one day after his life calms down, we could have a conection or something more? I have never had such a close freind that i could imagine feeling this way for, it is very confusing and i am very conflicted. thanks for your time

ANSWERS

he has the best of both worlds (in his mind), and in no hurry to change things with the girlfriend, or with you. Chalk it up to a bad choice, and see if you can salvage what might be left of the friendship.

Your relationship has already changed. By engaging in sexual relations with your "friend" you've changed things and put the friendship at risk. You are doing the right thing by making sure it does not happen again until after they are broken up. You need to stick to that or you will end up the other woman to a cheater. If he wants to date you he needs to break up with her. Bottom line. Do not put yourself in a FWB situation. Again, this is disaster for a friendship. Figure out honestly with yourself if you really can "just be friends" with this guy and nothing else. I think if you look inside your heart you will know that the answer is "no." So, things can't go back to the way they were before. Either he can break up with his girlfriend and start to build a new relationship with you or he can stay with her and you need to move on. If he doesn't want a relationship with you, it's best to limit your contact with him to casual once in a while emails/Facebook updates. But definitely be honest with him and let him know that you want a relationship with him, but if he doesn't break up with his girlfriend it's out of the question and you aren't going to wait around for him. It doesn't matter what his girlfriend is going through or how obligated he feels to help her through it. If he cared about her feelings as much as he says, he wouldn't have cheated. And if he cares about you as much as he says, he'd be with you and not her.

Every women is afraid to make an opinion because we are all afraid to be alone! Tell him you need to talk to him. Explain to him in a public setting, that you might have feelings. At the same time while he is in a relationship, you cannot be around him. Yall can communicate by email or phone, but seeing each other in person will lead to this attraction and well, then sex! The continuation of sex will lead him to have both relationships and never make a choice.Not to mention he will begin to miss seeing you in person! Also reassure him that you have some feelings for him and he will not be alone, if he ends the relationship with this other woman. In the end, if you are meant to be together... you might have to stand strong alone for a while, but if will pay off. The time and space will either restore the love or the friendship.

well seems to me u guys really like each other. one the one hand i wouldn't wanna lose a friendship like that either..however he just cheated on his gf with u, what makes u think he wouldn't do that to u if u guys got together. Ur doing the right thing by not seeing him till he figures out what he wants to do with his gf but don't b surprised if his relationship continues with her. I agree with chococat about him having the best of both worlds. If he even gets upset about u staying away from him till he gets himself together then that should b ur clue to him liking having 2 girls to play with. He needs to tell his gf about him cheating on her too. If he doesn't then u should fill her in. This is something that u really need to think about and take some time considering all ur options. Follow ur intuition and Good Luck.

im going through the exact same thing right now..my best friend of many years has a very close girlfriend. theyve been dating an extremly long time. me and him have an extemly long history of sexual tension....but recently we hooked up while he was dating this girl....honesly..im just as lost as you,

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