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Moving On From A Cheating Ex
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We were quite close friends since we were 10 because we were in the same school. After we graduated, we went our separate ways and didn't hear of each other until we were 16 where we met again through Twitter. So we started texting frequently from then on and gradually started 'dating'. But, after 2 months, he MIA-ed on me for almost 24 hours and because I was confused as to what had happened (why he suddenly stopped talking to me etc.) He told me he was confused with his feelings etc and somehow, I 'managed' to console him and we started texting again. Then another 2 months later, he MIA-ed on me again. This time saying he just doesn't feel like texting anymore and that he was confused with his feelings. However, on the very same night, I saw on Twitter that he was OFFICIALLY attached to some other girl whom I did not know of. Thats when I got really hurt and just hated it for cheating on me twice. After being with that girl for awhile, I got to know that they broke up and he got back with his ex gf of 3 years then.
2 years later, we're 18 now, we met again through mutual friends. My best friend's boyfriend who is his classmate in school had urged him to talk to me again (after getting to know from my best friend about the history between us both).
According to my boyfriend, he was actually reluctant to text me at first because he knew he did me wrong in the past and was too embarrassed to face me. When he first started to text me, I treated him quite coldly and didnt reply to his texts promptly. This was because I didn't trust him and I still was kind of wary of him. When he apologized to me through text and convinced me that he wouldnt waste this opportunity anymore and that he is being serious with me, I felt sincerity so I forgave him and began texting him properly. Things progressed as months past by. Even though I have yet to trust him, gradually he proved to me that he could be trusted and so I did gave my trust to him.
Things were sweet for the 4 and a half months that we were together. However on August, he got weak and sick due to work and school and couldnt meet me like we would every once/twice in a week. As days passed by, we didn't talk much as he needed his rest for being so sickly. Since we havent been texting so much, I missed him so I texted him a long text and his reply was that he is sorry that we havent been talking frequently and that he is actually stressed out at that moment and he doesnt know whats happening to him so he doesnt feel like talking to anyone. I even asked him quite a few times if he loved me and he said he doesnt know because he's blank at that moment. Fine, I gave him the space he wanted. After almost a month of not meeting and 3 weeks of not having a proper conversation with each other, I found out something very devastating to me on his Tumblr.
I saw him reblogging things like "Whatever we had, can we have it all back." and some Virgo horoscope thingy (which is definitely not his since he is a Cancer).
I knew then that all these things I was looking at, at his Tumblr werent about me AT ALL. And I recognized who the Virgo horoscope he was referring to and that was.....lo and behold....his ex gf of 5 years (they were always in an on-off relationship and broke up last year).
Of course I was devastated I was lied to. I trusted him, I risked my heart being hurt again and the heart that took me 2 years to heal was finally broken... again. All in all, I just felt stupid that I couldn't catch on to his lies. So I immediately texted him and questioned what's those things that were on his Tumblr. He then admitted that yes, he talked to her for quite some time while he was together with me (imagine how betrayed I felt) and that now, he cant seem to be able to forget his ex. I was a wreck, I kept crying and crying and my heart was literally in pieces.
He told me he was sorry and that they have stopped talking because his ex told him to "forget it". He said he wont leave me because the reason why he chose to stay with me was that he could see that I was able to wait for him and all (referring to me giving him space and shit even though he wasnt treating me well).
Of course, I believed this and still trusted him. I asked him if he loves me and he said "yes I do and I will love you more than this". Then I asked if he can forget her and he said he can but it will take time. Yet again, I was willing to wait until he was over his ex. The next day, I saw him retweeting stuff that are related to his ex gf. Honestly, it hurts seeing those stuff. And it dawned on me "how can you love someone yet wanting to get over the other one at the same time?" and so I asked his exactly that. He avoided that question and asked me instead if I wanted to continue with this, i said of course I did. He said he cannot bear seeing me hurt each and everytime. I asked him again if he loved me and guess what he said "for now its a no". WOW. HE CHANGED HIS WORDS IN A MATTER OF ONE FREAKIN DAY. I told him that he said he loved me yesterday how can he be so indecisive and he just said that his mind is blank at the moment. Then he told me that his mom knew about our situation and she scolded him for fucking things up between us two. (His mom doesnt like his ex because from their last breakup, she left him for her ex bf). WOW HUH.
A day later which is today, I found out more about what he did behind my back. He actually went out with his ex gf 2 days after my birthday WOW JUST WOW, how much more hurtful can it get right.......so I decided to move on from here on. Even though he doesnt know abt it because its not like we officially broke up already but considering I saw his retweet about him being single, I assume he has also decided that we're through.
Of course, I hate him now but still, it hurts and its so hard to move on. Its so hard not to look back. Although I've deleted my whatsapp conversations and pictures with him, I still constantly check on him on twitter. I'm a woman of ego and pride, and me waiting around for someone actually just killed my ego. It's so hard to get back up again, I was very independent for the past 2 years that I was single. Now, I just feel so lost......
And I know 18's kinda a young age to deal with such complicated problems, but I just need your advice on what can I do. Also, what should I do if one day, he comes back again??