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move on or hang on

Published on March 16, 2014 by tsuilau

Hi YourTango I have been struggling a lot if i should hang on with the person i have been dating. I have been dating this man since end of October, we started to have sex on our third date (a week after we met). Then we have been seeing each other 1-2 times a week at his place. About 2 months after we dated, he kept me a distance and of course i felt it, i asked him why and he said he was not ready yet, he could feel i was looking for more. i could be since to my Asian culture, i do treat him like a boy friend after we have sex. i was pretty upset was a week, but i decided to talk to him again, because our bond was so true and happy, and i was ok to feel to continue to see him without he needed to commit at that time. We cleared our situation and continued seeing each other. 4-5 months passed now, still no big progress, but i do feel that our connection is a little bit closer. Unless i am too naive, i do trust that he's not seeing another woman at the same time. his reason of not ready yet is he hasn't finished his divorce, with 2 kids sometimes stayed at his place 3-4 days a week. he was laid off last year and stress fully looking for a job. I think this is the reason he cannot commit. I keep telling myself to wait until he settle down with his career and to see if we have move forward. but waiting is quite torturing, i waited to see if he will contact me everyday, i tried to give me space by not texting him too much, don't want to feel that i'm an annoying woman. I am also going through my divorce, i had a sad marriage, which i had been waiting for 9 years to make my ex cherish my effort. I'm very scared of the feeling that i have now: waiting for nothing. I truly like him, i dated 7 men and i only feel the connection with him. I'm so scared that if i am going to scare him away again if i say something sensitive. I even afraid just to let him know i am thinking about him. He told me a lot of his things, but not yet meeting his friends or family. i'm 35 and he's 42. In one way, i do think that he is mature enough not to fall into any relationship that quick since he also went through a bad marriage which his ex initiated the divorce by claiming no more love with him. In another way, this scary and waiting feeling just make me very discouraged. thank you Tsui


let him take his time. He needs to relax. maybe he doesn't want everybody to know about his relationship with u, specially at this stage where he s going through divorce. u just need to relax and let him relax, & see where the things are going.

Best of luck!