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monogamous but no dating?

Published on October 2, 2013 by solost01

I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months. I told him up front that I did not want something casual and he said he didn't neither. First date was great but we did end up having sex. We haven't been on another date since but we hang out once a week which sex is involved and talk/text every day which he usually initiates and is not about sex. He told me that he wants to be monogamous. He also told me that he isn't in a rush to jump into anything when I asked him about a relationship. We get along great, have a lot in common. He has shown me pictures of his family, when he was younger etc. Problem is he hasn't asked or made plans to go out on another date. I like him but would like to get someone's opinion as to what is going on? Should I just be patient and see what happens? Or is he just stringing me along?

ANSWERS

From the female perspective this certainly sounds confusing! From the male perspective, I'd guess it's not that complicated. You give him what he wants: sex, no strings, companionship, monogamy. But it sounds like you want more. I would suggest telling him very specifically what you'd like. Tell him you'd like to go on a date. See what he does or says. If he sees you in that way he'll put on his big-boy pants and man up. If he doesn't see you in that way, he'll hem and haw and make excuses. That is your cue to exit stage left, because what I hear is that you want more than this from him and for yourself. If he's not willing to give it, find someone who is.

It does sound like he's giving off mixed signals, so be really cautious in how you approach this. Don't bring resentment or criticism to the table. Bring curiosity, openness and lightness. Most men don't really respond to all the heaviness and drama we can bring when we think we're just "talking." So get curious. Ask him some questions, and tell him what you're looking for in a way that respects your own boundaries and is respectful of him. If what he tells you doesn't work for you, thank him for his honesty and move on.

(And, just to hammer the nail on the head, no sex on the first date unless you're willing to just be a sex-partner. There is nothing wrong with a booty call every now and again, but you need to be in control of deciding whether or not that's what it's going to be.)

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