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Men and their emotion ans Affectionate problems......

Published on May 17, 2011 by sox girl

            Hello,i want to start of by saying that in all of the few relationships ive had,i can not for the life of me understand why is it that when us women tend to get close to our man...well he doesn't know how to react towards you....i guess wat im tryn to say is that ,i do love my man but we have issues with him being more affectionate,and with me argueing that i don't get the closeness and emotional support from him i need...i argue when i feel like  he treats me like a roommate,or a friend,he always has to make it a point to be right....i had told him that i argue cause he's not giving me what i need what i need as a woman,i feel he is being selfish emotionally,physically and mentally...he doesn't see a problem with anything other than i argue about everything....He just mentioned to me that it is his up bringing,his family was never warm and loving ...so waht i am trying to ask is how does this work out to teach him to be more affectionate and loving towards me,then we also are talking a child to be some day.how can one person that is 40 years old learn to be more than he is ??? is it too late for him?? i am 40 years old ,I have three teenagers of my own,i do have a huge heart ,i give with my heart many of times and got hurt by it as well,i love my man but i feel he's cheating me out of his love....i don't want him to shut me out ,but i don't know how much i can possibly take,I feel neglected ,unworthy,unloved,i feel like we are just friends or roommates,its been ten months we have been together,i am still in love with him,but the only person that can change him is God himself,so i went to church last sunday and also invited him to go next sunday,the service was about "His needs", "Her needs",I was in shock and cried in tears when the pastor was talking about honoring the woman ,its in the bible=1peter;chapter 3 verse 7........Likewise,ye husbands,dwell with them according to knowledgr,giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel,and as being heirstogether of the grace of life;that your prayers be not hindered.I just pray that god touches his heart,hes an amazing man and i will always love him but i need answers why men take so long to be emotionally and show there affections towards there mate...well maybe someone is going through what i am ,i wolud love to hear your advice ,yhank you,and God Bless you all in your relationships.

ANSWERS

Hi Sox girl Letty Rodriguez,

As a man, I can relate to your concerns. One of the books I read very early in my relationship with my wife was "men are from mars, women are from venus". I read and recognized the "cave man" personal described in the book. I also recognized the needs of the woman in the story as well. It helped me a lot.

I suggest you read this book for yourself first. It will help you to deal with the lack of emotion from your guy! If your guy wants to be better for you, have him read it as well. However, the key for me was that I knew what I could control - me. I was not so sure I could change my wife's mind or control her.

And even after all of this reading - that book was not the only one I read - my wife still feels I hurt her, do not see her, and recently stopped communicating with me. Sometimes, we find that we made a poor decision in the person we chose. Is this where you are?

Good luck! I hope you become better at this and your guys start to give you the emotional connection you need.

Ahh Benbree - took the book right out of my mouth. Yes Sox Girl, you will have a hard time changing him. Funnily enough, I have the reverse. I love to coddle, cuddle, snuggle etc with my wife, but she often looks at me as if I am crazy. I stopped asking her "Do you love me"? as I used to just get either ignored, or blank stares. So now I just say "did I tell you I love you today" or something equally stupid, like "I love you more than a peanut". At least these warrant a smile from her - so I am doing fine!! Hey, she has been with me 23 years, not always perfect but always great. My read on your post is that you are fairly intense, so as Benbree said, perhaps tone yourself down a bit, relax with him, let him be himself and just understand he is different.....

Two good books to look for: For Men Only and The Five Love Languages. Both are written by Christians and talk about how to show your partner that you love them. For Men Only explains what many women want. The Five Love Languages talks about how we each have different ways to show love and need to figure each other out. How we are brought up teaches us how to show love. There is also a website:

It may be hard to communicate with your husband about this. You need affection from him, but if you two are fighting, he isn't going to feel very affectionate. He may start to resist listening to you.

If there are any times when he shows you any affection, compliment him. Thank him and praise him. Make him want to do it again.

Be understanding if he feels uncomfortable hugging you and start small. You might try giving him a very specific request - something like could you kiss me every day when you come home. Some guys like to know exactly what you want.

Try to figure out what his love language is and make sure you are giving him whatever it is he wants.

One question - are you wishing for more sex or just more hugging and saying nice things?

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