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married 13 years

Published on May 3, 2012 by tiffany durrett

I have been married for 13 yrs and he has hurt me more than I can count. This last time was about a 1 yr ago and it done it for me but still stay with him because of our 3 kids. He has cheated in the past plus match making sites and ALOT of porn. I love him but not like that any more. I really need to know what to do. Should I stay with him or leave???? 


I see this as a catch-22 type dilemma. He uses porn because you aren't sexually attracted to him. You aren't sexually attracted to him because he uses porn. He stopped listening to you because you stoppsledding romantic with him, and talking about things he likes to talk about. You lost your emotional intimacy with him because he stopped listening to you. You two have to make a new arrangement, you will be a more frequent and active partner, and he will quit the porn and cheating, and you cannot talk or nag about the past transgressions, so stop ruminating on it.

Park the kids at an overnight babysitter or inlaws, make a dinner date with him, ask him to make a fresh start, then be demure, sexy, romantic and kinky. MAKE it a fresh start, make him and his happiness your top priority, and you his, your togetherness is the most important thing to your kids. It may not work overnight, but it seems to work.

I didnt find out about the porn till i caught him cheating about 6 months after our second child. Then he left me and our 3 kids dranded in Az. for 3 months when i finally got us back here. I have tryed what you said and it went good for awhile and i kept trying even after i found it again. He always lies about things . Would you like to know more.

You need to find yourself first. Believe in yourself and love yourself. After years of being in a relationship like the one you described, I'm sure it has diminished your self-worth. The question is have you done anything to encourage this behavior? Own your part in it. Become true to yourself. Often times when a woman begins to love herself and stop "trying to be the perfect wife," the man stands up and takes notice. Other times the woman finds freedom and independence away from him. If and when you are ready to leave, you will know it in your heart. Learn to trust your gut. I'm hosting a telesummit for divorced women - even though you are not divorced, you may benefit by listening to some of the speakers. It's about healing and loving yourself. Visit for more details. Best of wishes to you!!!

I think you should leave, I know plenty of people who stayed in a relationship cause it was the "right thing" to do. And, they stayed miserable.

I think you should let him go. He doesn't want to be faithful to you. I notice you have 3 kids. Would you want your sons treating women the way you are being treated? What would you tell your daughters if they were in the same situation? You deserve better. Leave him and go get it! :-)