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a man saying i love you

Published on July 6, 2012 by horse_chick101

My boyfriend is really a wonderful man in every aspect. he’s VERY laid back, very quiet, doesn’t talk much in general, much less about how he feels. and that’s where our problem lies. We have been dating a little over a year now and living together for about 10 months, and i can honestly say Im in love with him. I love him very much. I’ve told him this on several occasions, so he knows how i feel. When i try to ask him how he feels, he pulls away/dances around the question, and the other night, he flat out said “i DONT want to talk about it.” He grumbles sometimes when I say i love you. And HERE is my confusion: the man SHOWS me he loves me. he’ll buy me stuff that i need for around the house, he ALWAYS pays for EVERYTHING when we go out somewhere, he refers to his stuff (the house, the camper trailer, etc etc) as OURS (when it really is HIS), he discusses things with me. stuff like that. which is GREAT. but, why can’t he just say “i love you” one time? Why is he so uncomfortable with talking/saying anything about it? Does he really NOT love me? am i reading him all wrong? am i being too pushy? is he just not ready to say it? I’m sorry for all the questions, but I really need help here. I have no idea what to say or do and IF i were to leave he would just shrug his shoulders and say “okay”. not that i want to, but you can see my frustration.


It can be a number of things. You need somehow to get him to talk. If you found something that reminds you of something from the past. Or remember something that went on or happened in the past (keep it all good!) say something. See if he either agrees, or somehow remembers something neg. from his past. Tread very lightly! If it triggers something negative from the past. It could tell you why he is the way he is. Then see if you can get him to talk about it. If he does not want to talk about it! Leave it as is. He may come around later on when he starts to think that maybe you really want to know/help. Men have always been known to hold it in! Maybe it's the way he was brought up.

If you see proof that he loves you but he cannot put it into words, he may have come from a family where talk was cheap, and the only thing that really mattered was actions.

Try reading some book on love languages, such as [HTML_REMOVED]The Five Languages of Love[HTML_REMOVED] by Gary Smalley.

I actually enjoy men like this. If they really love you and are committed to you, they are fantastic and will never leave your side.

They won't say it out loud. They don't buy cards or gifts. So in the meantime, you'll have to adjust your expectations so you don't starve to death emotionally. That's difficult for women when their language of love is "words of affirmation" or "gifts."

It sounds as if your guy is a real guy, he likes to be the man he is providing for you, sharing his things and looking after you. Maybe he has noticed you fell in love with his manliness and he doesn't want to ruin that, it is clearly obvious he cares for you otherwise he wouldnt have stayed with you you wouldn't be living together and he definitely wouldnt be sharing. Maybe you should take a step back it's good you tell him how you feel but maybe he is taking that granted. You tell him all the time without him having to say it back.

The reason for dating is to find out if a person meets your needs. In your case, you began a serious relationship very quickly by moving in together after only knowing one another for months, in the "honeymoon" period. It's harder to go your separate ways once you live together. Basically, you can't get inside his head, because he won't let you. He has a right to be who he is without you wanting to change him. You have to either to accept the fact that he may never tell you he loves you, or decide that you can't wait around for someone who is emotionally unavailable in this area, and move on.

My friend had a similar situation. He paid for things half the time, and bought her nice birthday and Christmas presents. After a year and a half they broke up, as she found out he was talking to exes on the phone, and on facebook. They got back together. After another year, they bought a house together, even though he'd never said I Love You during all those years together. Then after they'd lived in their new house for a year, she found out he was flirting with his exes again on facebook. I think the reason he never said I Love You is because he didn't. I can't figure out why he'd buy a house with a woman he didn't love, but men are different than women, and each gender has a hard time reading each other. If it were me, if a man couldn't say he loved me after a year, I'd assume he didn't, and would have to move on. I take joy in my husband and I saying this to each other many times during the day. He matches me in the way I like to be in a relationship. Perhaps you should find a man who matches you in the way you like to be in a relationship. If you are frustrated daily, even though you love someone, it means he's not compatible with you as a lifetime partner.

Yes, I understand: most of us women like to express our love and appreciation with words, and by default we expect the same from our partners. Generally girls are accepted to express feelings, while boys expected to keep them back. Like it or not, these cultural pressure has its impact. But don't worry, I think you are in the right track when you realize, that there are other areas where people can express their love, and you already noticed a lot. Other than words, we can express our love by spending valuable and enjoyable time together - it seems to me you have it. Than we can give gifts to one another - you've mentioned you've got it. We can make favors to each other - probably he does some for you, preparing this and that, pick up something what you need, and so on. Last but not least we show our love by touches, strokes, kisses and hugs and of course with sex. These are all the language of love, and we all are better in some areas and weaker in another. I think it is wise to accept your partner's "love language" as it is, and acknowledge that he loves you and which way he gives the sign of it. E.g:"I feel appreciated when you pay for the dinner." In the same time you might mention that sometimes you miss the words too, with "I message" and without reproach! Like: "I know you love me, but sometimes I wish to hear it with words too!" You might get it, you might not. If the other signs say he loves you, be happy with it! If the other signs leave doubt, you need to find out how much you can rely on this relationship. But after what you wrote I think there is nothing to worry about!