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Published on July 3, 2012 by mrsdetournemignon

Hello! Okay, so what use to be my boyfriend, is now a friend that I can barely stand to talk to. An incident between us happened, where I loaned him some money, and he was fully aware that he would owe me it back, when he started his new job. Only, the start of his new job had came and gone; yet, no money. I told him it was cool for him to hold onto it a little longer, only because I didn't need it just yet. Long story short, I told him when I needed it, and still have never gotten it back, til this day. I got my best friend involved, because it seemed as if my "boyfriend" had no concious or care. So her and I figured if we said the money was hers, he would give it back faster, but that didn't work either. He had only lied to her, the same way he did to me. He kept making plans to meet up with her to give her the money(only because I was so done with him), but he would never answer when she would be ready to come and meet with him. So we finally made it to his house (probably wasn't the best idea), which he happened to be there (he told her he was working overnight), and we all begin to argue. Overall: he was mad that we had come to his house: I was mad at his statement of, "until I do what I have to do, no one's getting there money," (which WAS NOT the deal, AT ALL), and my best friend was mad that he continued to lie (she hates liars). You can probably see where this is going; the only one who left that night satisfied, was him. A few months went by, and I finally forgave him, with all the wrong intentions. I forgave him with intentions that he would prove me wrong; that he was a human being who had a conscious; that he had felt bad for what he done to me. Only, whenever we discussed it, it would only send me down that road again to that night it happened; and I just wanted to punch him in the face, all over again. He had kept insisting on pointing out that my best friend was there, which he did have a good point. My best friend should not have been there, but let's not forget who had gotten her into our relationship in the firstplace (he did). Also, the fact that she was there, would not justify his actions of not paying me my money. He wouldn't allow himself to acknowledge any of his wrongs. He would only stay stuck on the fact that we went to his house. We both came to an agreement that we did want to be with eachother. But he wants to just let the past be the past, and just start over, while I can't help but to acknowledge the past for the sake of our future. He hadn't shown any type of remorse or affection through this whole situation (even when I texted him one last time, about how I felt about it all; which he claimed he didn't even read). I've tried putting myself in his shoes. I thought about how embarrassing it must have felt to have not one, but two females on your front porch screaming at you in the middle of the night. But then I also thought about how I didn't allow what he had done to me, prevent me from expressing my feelings towards him. "Uhhh..HELLO..I was embarrassed TOO. Not to mention, a whole lot of other emotions as well." As far as I was concerned, I was the victim, and I was the one who was entitled to being furious; NOT HIM. It's easy to just want to move on, when you're NOT the victim. I guess what I really needed in all of this, was closure. Yet he had failed every chance he gotten, to give it to me. In my book, if you're the one to make things wrong, it is also expected of you to make things right; and you're not entitled to making any suggestions or demands, until you do so. But for some reason, he felt it was his right to keep making suggestions of changing some things about myself. I feel like the make-up process should go like this, the person who made things wrong: apologizes, expresses what they were thinking at the time, how they felt, and what made them act the way they did, admit THEIR WRONGS, ask for forgiveness. Then, if the person forgives them, they do the same if they feel the need, admit THEIR WRONGS, agree/ agree to disagree, and then they move onto what they need to work on. But with him, it was like I forgave him, we discussed and discussed and discussed; but he never admitted doing anything wrong. That is, except what we BOTH did wrong, which was inviting my friend into our relationship to begin with. But that was all he ever admitted. Yea, he said he felt bad, but none of his actions ever showed that. Not to mention, he had apologized to me; AFTER I had already forgiven him, and when he was DRUNK! He never even mentioned giving me my money still; which is what a person who originally intended on paying someone back and genuinely felt bad for not doing so, would have done. So I guess what I am asking is, am I wrong for feeling that he is the one who should make things right? Am I wrong for second-guessing his love for me?


ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!! you never should have taken him back, he is a scumbag. i would suggest getting together any paperwork (such as a contract he signed, bank statements showing you wired him the money, etc) along with any texts or voicemails about the money (including any your friend may have), and hold on to them. tell him while you forgive him for being an asshole, if he does not pay you back the money in the next 2 weeks you are taking him to court. and then DO IT. DO NOT BACK DOWN. this guy does NOT deserve a second chance. honestly, he sounds like a prick. he should have paid you back, you never should have had to go to your friend. the fact that he won't even apologize or admit he was wrong is a HUGE red flag. point blank, HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS. he's saying he wants to "start over" because he doesn't want to be a man and pay you back. it does not matter if going to his house was embarrassing for him, you never should have had to. please leave this piece of trash. you do not deserve to be treated like this. you do not deserve a boyfriend who does not care about your feelings, doesn't deem you worthy enough of an apology, doesn't feel like he should have to pay back a loan, and who can't admit he's wrong. he's EXTREMELY immature to say the least. and he isn't capable of truly loving you because he is so self-centered and immature. please trust me on this one, guys who can never admit they're wrong, who never take responsibility for their actions, who deflect blame on those around them, are not worth your time. they only lead to frustration and heartache. do not waste any more time with him!! don't listen to his bullshit about how he supposedly "changed." BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!!!!! give him two weeks to pay you back, otherwise take him to court and get your money back. do not allow him to change your mind. he needs to be forced to take responsibility. with your friend as a witness, you more than likely can prove that the money was a loan and not a gift. don't let him get away with this. if it turns out you don't have a case against him, cut your losses and be thankful it only took X amount of money to get him out of your life. walk away. guys like this NEVER change. this guy is a waste of your time and you deserve SO much better, bottom line.

I'm afraid you'll need to chalk this up to "Live and learn." A lot of women have rules for themselves, "Never loan money to boyfriends." I've heard this story over and over.

He's not your equal and he resents when you help him. He's not good relationship material at this stage in his life.

You are SO RIGHT! OBVIOUSLY, HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME OR MY FEELINGS. So sad, but it is plain to see. And I've broken up with him A LONG TIME AGO. In fact, we NEVER got back together after that. We were just friends. But as I am seeing now, he's not even worth that. I know my worth, and he is FAR BELOW that. I refuse to have people in my life who doesn't have a conscious, cause that's really what it all boil downs to; regardless of the relationship. I do not contact him, AT ALL. I'm just glad that it isn't only my best friend and I who see all of this from this situation. Thank you so much for your feedback! I really do appreciate it !

Funny that you say that, cause my gut feeling told me not to loan him the money. I'm gonna have to learn to start listening to my intuition. And I've just adopted that "NEVER loan money to boyfriends," rule as well. Thank you for your input!