The man obviously has issues with his ex. You are his girl on the side. If you wait for love or destiny with this man, I think you will miss out on the real love of your life. From the situation you described meeting him, he pursued you. I'm a guy and know as a man it is proper to go after a woman I'm attracted to. However, every man has his reasons: long term relationship, sex, escape from something, love, etc. I think what gets lost is people who are emotionally involved with each other refuse to believe the truth in front of them sometimes. A person's actions dictates his or her intentions. If there is confusion, you ask for clarification. If there is little to no clarification, you either accept or reject what is happening in front of you. That means living with your decision.
My advise would be to forget this guy and concentrate on what makes you happy. Do something physical, get out, and rediscover who you are. Only then can you make the right decision for yourself. Dance, sing, paint, socialize, write, use whatever action verb you like. Work through your emotions, all of them. No matter how hard you try, you cannot force someone to spend time with you or love you. It's like tennis: you hit the ball to your partner, he hits it back. If you find yourself, hitting more balls across the court to him and nothing is coming back, then the game is over. People spend time with the people and activities that matter most to them. Anything else is utter BS.
ANSWER THIS QUESTION
Yes, you are wasting your time. What is more concerning is that you don't recognize your own value and want to keep yourself hanging around missing out on life and love with people who love you enough to be with you.
This is going to be a tough pill to swallow, but it's a bit of tough love. I know you want to be with him, but he does not love you or else he would choose to be with you. Guys who want to be with a woman will be with the woman. He may not be 100% happy with his other life, but nonetheless, he has chosen that path above you. That is the choice he made and you must recognize that he didn't choose you. And if you continue to wait around for him, you're just showing him he doesn't need to commit because he can have his primary relationship and you'll always been on the side waiting. You may also end up waiting a lifetime.
Is that who you want to be in a relationship? The girl on the side? Think about your own worth and value. Do you believe that you are capable of being loved by someone and being #1 in their life? Why do you accept relationships with people who offer you less?
And going forward, make wiser choices in who you pick to fall for. #1 lesson, do NOT date someone who is involved with someone else, period. Do you like being cheated and two-timed? I'm guessing probably not. And a guy who is willing to cheat with you will be willing to cheat on you. Bad news, stay away.
Stick to dating guys who are completely open and available. It will fare better for you in the end and give your relationship a real shot at thriving.
Prescription: Watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Holiday". You are like Kate Winslett in the Holiday. Get some gumption and act like the leading lady of your own life. The right man will come.
In the meantime, cut ties with the other guy, remind yourself you're worth more, and move on!
ANSWER THIS QUESTION
Yes! There are two things to consider:
Your integrity - Treat people the way you want to be treated! When you know who you are and what you stand for these decisions become easier. When I take people through my Deal Maker/Deal Breaker process, my clients become crystal clear on their yes and no's for who to partner with!
Consider where your self-esteem is right now and answer your own question as if your self-esteem were a 2 and then as if it were a 10. How do your answers differ? and where are you on the self-esteem scale.
You deserve to have someone show up for you FULLY and with BOTH feet in. Anything less isn't worth your time and you're going to get exactly what you settle for!
I know this is pretty direct, and I hope you also feel my care for your heart in this mess you're in.
ANSWER THIS QUESTION