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lost my love life

Published on December 24, 2013 by rola23

I am a girl who fell in love with another girl for the first time,I love her so much & never felt this way toward anyone before, I love everything about her, we became so close, we both make each other happy, happiness that I've never experienced before, but 1 month ago after making love she knew that am not thinking to spend my whole life with a girl..I ruined everything, although that day she put an engagement ring in my finger while we kissing which means she's was serious about our relation. After that day I realized that I do wanna spend my life with a girl & specificly with her, I tried to fix the mistake I did and told her that I do wanna spend my whole life with her & I'm ready to do anything to get her back..but she's deppresed & she don't think it's good to get back to each other..& things got worse because a close person to her died, so it's harder now to try to get her back..I don't know what should I do,I can't let her go, I'm crying everynight, we were so good together everything was just great.. if i don't talk to her she doesnt talk to me, I'm afraid that she has no more feelings for me & that she's over me now I love her & I want her back

ANSWERS

Your girlfriend got hit with a double whammy. I'm not surprised that she is depressed. This is a tough decision you have in front of you: what to do next. The big question I think you have to ask yourself is: what can I do to help her?

I can only guess at what she needs based on the information in your blog. When someone close dies, there are several coping mechanisms people can utilize. She may be overwhelmed emotionally with loss. Right now her pain is so overwhelming, she probably doesn't see yours or can't see yours.

I think you need to put yourself in her shoes, then ask yourself what you would need in her situation. If there is very little communication, I would suggest that you send a heartfelt email expressing your willingness to help her in getting through this tough time. If you love her, really love her, you will recognize what she needs. You screwed up with her because you probably were scared/uncertain.

In the email/letter, I think it is important to first apologize, then tell her you would like to eventually talk about how you felt and thought about her getting serious in the relationship, but first you want to be as supportive as you can be in her time of need. Extend any help you can give her within reason. Be strong for yourself and her because that is what will bring her back to you. If you approach her with your pain and mistakes, she will turn away from you. If you approach her through your relaxation, calmness, perserverence, and love, she may come back to you.

Please understand. The objective here is not to solve your relationship problem. It is to make you a stronger person and alleviate your girlfriend's pain. Do not be discouraged if she doesn't respond, she may need time to sort through her emotions. She may also have moved on. Unfortunately, there are things we do and say that cannot be undone. I wish you the best with this.

I saw her 2 weeks ago in a hospital, we were visiting a common friend, however this friend doesn't know that we know each other, so we pretended in front of her that we don't know each other.. but I was looking at her all the time because I missed her so much but she barely looked at me even when we went out of the room she was talking to me without looking..what does that mean?? Last week she was sending me jokes everyday & we were laughing..and few days ago she called me in the morning we were discussing something about that friend & talled me that this month was the worst for all what happened..after the call ended she texted me "I'm sorry" for everything I made u go through..& this wasn't the first time she say that..I replied "don't be" & sent her a joke.. since that she not talking to me & when I talk to her she barley answer..which pisses me of..I was thinking to see her a day before new year's eve & explain to her how much I love her & ready to do anything to be with her whatever it takes & to start the new year together & forever..either we go back together now or it will never happen "it's now or never".. so whatsyour advice for me please?

I saw her 2 weeks ago in a hospital, we were visiting a common friend, however this friend doesn't know that we know each other, so we pretended in front of her that we don't know each other.. but I was looking at her all the time because I missed her so much but she barely looked at me even when we went out of the room she was talking to me without looking..what does that mean?? Last week she was sending me jokes everyday & we were laughing..and few days ago she called me in the morning we were discussing something about that friend & talled me that this month was the worst for all what happened..after the call ended she texted me "I'm sorry" for everything I made u go through..& this wasn't the first time she say that..I replied "don't be" & sent her a joke.. since that she not talking to me & when I talk to her she barley answer..which pisses me of..I was thinking to see her a day before new year's eve & explain to her how much I love her & ready to do anything to be with her whatever it takes & to start the new year together & forever..either we go back together now or it will never happen "it's now or never".. so whatsyour advice for me please?ANSWER

It sounds like she is in full blown depression. There is only so much that you can do for her. Try to remain calm and relaxed. Anger tends to destroy relationships. I think she may need to speak with a licensed clinical social worker. Looking down, not making eye contact with you, not responding, these are all behaviors that point to a mood disorder. Keep in mind what you want may not be what she needs right now.

I would be honest with yourself and the people who are around you. Why pretend or put on false pretenses in front of a friend in the hospital? Does she have feelings for this friend? To me, being open to receive everything from another person helps them relax and be open.

Like I said, this is not about fixing your relationship, this is about helping the girl you love. Ask yourself which is more important right now: your girlfriend's mental health or the relationship with you? To me, her mental health is much more important than your relationship. Depression tends to destroy all aspects of a person's life, not just relationships. I'm willing to bet she is not behaving like this just with you. Are you willing to help her mental state even if that means sacrificing the relationship you desire? I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you. I can see how sad you are from your writing. Please do your best with sincere efforts for her. Even if things don't work out the way you want them to, I think you will learn a great deal going through this tough time with her. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have confidence that you will figure out what is best in this situation for her and you. Believe in yourself and this will work itself out one way or another.

Defenitly her mental state is the most important thing for me, & I want her to get well soon, but how much time do u think she needs? & how I'm gonna help her if she's not talking to me? meanwhile how should I behave with her? & how I can stop myself from thinking about her all the time..I can't concentrate on anything! & you're right she used to have feelings for that friend but she said that she's over her & when she phoned me last time she was telling me what has happened between them that they had a fight & they aren't even friends anymore(that friend wasn't good to her & always treated her badly).Do u think if I see her just for catching up a good idea or I should stay away for a while & if yes for how long? Thank u so much I appreciate your help.

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