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Long distance and busy fiance

Published on November 8, 2013 by fma332

My fiance went to school overseas . He has been there for 1 month now and I will follow him next year. It has been very difficult and i'm struggling with the long distance, especially that this is my first time. I'm so used to him being so emotionally available, so loving and caring, and all of a sudden, he is busy with grad school all the time. He thinks the time he spends communicating with me is enough but it is way less than i want. I feel emotionally empty but the more i try to contact him, the worse it gets. I try to keep myself busy but i cannot stop hoping our relationship would be like th way it used to be when we were together. How can i make him want to make more time for me? I know that he loves me so much but i want to hear it as well as other romantic words like he used to tell me

ANSWERS

Long distance is never easy. Have you tried being honest with him and telling him how you feel and that you're concerned his distance is indicative of a disconnection?

If you have not addressed this with him directly, I would.

Second, graduate school is a huge undertaking. He is more than likely genuinely busy all the time. Graduate programs consume that majority of one's time, even more if the person is also working full time. So you may be getting upset unnecessarily.

If you cannot handle the space without feeling like there's a problem, you may need to explore your own needs and what you are telling yourself the space means. Busy is busy. What he needs is your support and understanding of the demands on his time. It will put a lot of strain on the relationship if you are demanding more of his time than he has to give right now, and not understanding of the other activities he has going on. If he is still committed to you and is just genuinely busy with graduate school,it is unrealistic and unreasonable for you to not give him the space he needs to live out his responsibilities. This can lead to problems down the road if you are constantly demanding attention.

You need to learn how to occupy your time doing other things and remind yourself he loves you and is committed to you, he is just busy.

It seems like you have a plan. I agree with the expert's advice and would like to add something else. Preparation to go overseas to school must be difficult for you from your description. I can only assume you are going to the overseas school because you want to attend and get an education for yourself to build a career. If you aren't doing that, I would revisit your plans. I know from experience that graduate school is like indentured servitude to cruel professors. It's not all bad, but research comes before love. I think you need to evaluate if fiancé's future goals are aligned with yours. Connection is what most human beings crave and when it's lost, we do are dambest to get it back. One suggestion is to visit him every three months and plan for it. Anticipation can fuel the fire to keep the relationship alive. The bottom line is that you have to do what is right for you. Remember, we make decisions and we live the consequences of those decisions. I wish you the best.

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