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a little bit angry at boyfriend.

Published on April 3, 2012 by nelda

he's been acting wierd.  It's starting to make me worry.  He tells me he's busy and he can't talk.  And at certain times, he has all the time in the world to just talk and laugh with me.  We've been together for quite a while.    But,  he got the job of his dreams and he's completely happy with his new success.   I think I'm kind of jealous and he knows it too.  But,  I'm happy for him but,  when he gets more involved in his work (long distance, kind of),  I feel like I'm missing something.  He has plans how we will live and I trust him completely.  He is a reliable man in more ways than one.      I called him after he declared his undying love for me,  and his phone was cut off.  He didn't immmediately recharge his phone.  I tried callling him and calling him because I was actually worried.    It's not lke him to do that.  I'm not even sure if he wants to be with me anymore.  With his new job and all,  I feel like he's given up on me at home.   I'm mad because he usually returns my calls pretty quickly.  He always loves to talk to me on the phone.  We try to be together as much as possible.   I feel like he wants to shower me with affection at one moment and then all of the sudden,  he doesn't have time.  But he keeps checking on me to hear me say I love him.  What's going on? 

ANSWERS

My question is, do you have a life outside of your relationship as well? Do you spend time with girlfriends? Do you have a hobby or do you play sports? Do you work? Do you do volunteer work? If not, don't make your man the center of your universe. He's important of course, but you need to have other interests as well. That makes you a more appealing partner as someone who has interesting conversation to bring back to the table, and something to keep you busy when he's away.

You don't say how long you've been going out, or how often you expect him to call you when he's away. I don't know what his worklife is like, and how busy it keeps him when he's away. I don't know if you're expecting too much or if he's being negligent. It's hard to know without being a fly on your wall. I would say to communicate your needs, and see if he complies. Over time, see if he's a man who meets your needs, and if he makes you feel special every day. If a man possesses dealbreakers, it doesn't matter if you love him. You need to move on. If you are happy most of the time in a relationhsip, it means the relationship is right for you. If you are frustrated or upset most days, it means you two are not compatible. Communicate your needs and see if you're on the same page. Good luck.

I might be completely wrong, but you sound a little obsessed with him. His feelings. His silence. His job. His speed at returning calls.

If I were your boyfriend, I would feel smothered.

Now is the time to get busy with your own life and interests. When you find yourself obsessing about him, think of something kind you can do for your grumpy grandpa, disabled aunt, or unemployed neighbor. Find a hobby or sport or cause. Do some volunteering. Build your life into something valuable.

You have value in yourself, not just in the guy you are with.

Actually, he's the more possessive one. That's why he checks on me. We've been working on that the past few months and things are good. I just have a feeling that something is different.

I've worked at the same job for 23 years. I have my interests and have a couple of friends to talk to. I am physically active like to be in shape. I know I've felt like I was in a rut or burnout with my job. That's why I sometimes feel jealous that he's found one he loves. I've told him I felt that way but, it's not to the point of bitterness and I don't feel jealous anymore. I was just talking to him about it is all. I know it's up to me to change careers if I want to. And, I am working on that. So, things are good as far as I can see. We've been together 6 years so, we know each others ways pretty well. I miss him when he is gone but, I keep busy. So, it is an adjustment but, I'm getting the hang of it. The long distance was getting to me and he understands. He misses me too. But, we've got it now. It works and the absense does makes the heart grow fonder. So, that's a good thing. Maybe now that he is established, I should get going with my career change. It's just that in the past couple of weeks, there is something different in his attitude. I've never had this feeling about him before. It feels like he's hiding something from me, something is pressing on his mind. Ok, maybe I'm overthinking. But, I know what he's like and this isn't like him. I trust him and know he is just working hard. But, something is strange. It's starting to bug me.

When a woman says a man is "possessive" and he "checks up" on her, bells go off in my head. He ignores you when you want to talk, but always checks in to make sure you love him. Those are words I hear from emotional abuse victims. Possessiveness, control, win-lose, etc., are something you need to pay attention to.

How's his relationship with his mother? Does he approve of her? Are they overly distant or overly close?

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