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less intersted in sex

Published on February 11, 2013 by c landry

Why does my fiancee seem to not wanna go down on me anymore even though he used to love it when we started going out 2.5 years ago? Also he seems to be less intersted in sex as well l8ly, unless we've both had a lil bit to much to drink he hardly ever initiates sex anymore & when I initiate it alota times i have to wake him up. sometimes he just seems so put out by it like its the worst thing in the world that I wanted him so bad I couldnt get to sleep & had to wake him up. he'll sigh really big & pinch th bridge of his nose between his thumb n forefinger with this kind of annoyed expression on his face. idk what to do I've tried being in his favorite nightgown & panties when he gets home from work or outa the shower but its like its got no affect on him !? I dont wanna ask him why because i dont want him to feel guilty that he's hurt my feelings he already feels guilty enuf that we cant really go out and do stuff because we dont have alota money ,but he knows i dont care about stuff like that . I only care about being with him . Any advice on why he's been acting this way? i know he's not cheating on me because if he wanted to cheat on me he wouldnt have brought me to Oklahoma with him when his work moved up here cuz they ran out of work back home.


OK - most obvious first. I am assuming that your weight, personal hygiene, and diet (which can affect your body chemistry, altering your smell or taste) have not significantly changed during this time to explain his recent aversion to sex. Likewise, if HIS lifestyle has changed a lot, it could be affecting his sex drive. If he's put on appreciable weight or is developing type 2 diabetes that could explain it.

A definite change in the amount or types of sexual desires can be an indicator of something else going on physically or mentally. Could be as simple as a side effect from some prescription he's taking (lots of medications cause sexual dysfunction as a side effect - especially anti-depressants. Have his doctor review anything he's taking) to a serious medical condition. Although he's young (I assume) it would do no harm if he were to get a complete physical with blood work. If he's showing signs of changing personality elsewhere in his life too, it may be worth having him see a mental health professional for an evaluation (he could have depression or something else).

It could also simply be that stress is getting to him (work, preparing for the wedding, etc.) You mention that you and he had to move to Oklahoma for work recently (which could be a huge culture shock, depending on where you're from) and that you two don't have a lot of money. Does his change in libido coincide with any of this? Is the non-sexual part of your relationship OK, or is he starting to show the signs of stress, fatigue, or irritability there too?

Finally, advice for if no cause is found for his decreased sex drive (or he refuses to cooperate in the search for a cause), and it seems like this is the new normal for him. I speak from experience when I say that a marriage between two people with mis-matched sex drives and (at least) one of you sexually frustrated is guaranteed to make both of you miserable. No oral sex, no initiating sex, and acting put-upon when acquiescing to sex sounds just like my wife - and if it weren't for the kids, I'd have divorced her. I can tell you, 22 years of no oral sex is a LONNNGGGG time! Unless you are willing to live the rest of your life this way, I'd advise you to break off the engagement if it seems you'll be stuck with this.