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Lacking in a sexual identity... help?
I'm just a girl who never really got sexually interested in herself like most girls did. I didn't start masturbating when I was 12 and now I'm 21. I never watched porn and didn't experiment or have sex in high school or anything. Recently I got involved with a guy who's very sexually experienced, into things like Dom/sub. Before I knew about that, I trusted him and felt it was the right time to lose my virginity to him. I do not regret that. I still trust him. But due to my inexperience, we're having problems. In the beginning I was very opposed to basic things like handjobs and blowjobs, seeing as I never even did that with previous boyfriends. The only thing I did with my exes was let them touch me. I also thought a lot of sexual positions were demeaning, like doggy style and blowjobs. I have come to like doggystyle, to my surprise, and have touched him several times (but I often don't feel like it). But because I never figured myself out as I grew up, there's something missing when we have sex, he says. I don't know what turns me on specifically, I guess. I don't have a kink. With the best intentions for me, he's urged me to start masturbating and watch porn and stuff like that. I bought a little vibrator recently and started playing with that. But obviously that's not enough. Is it possible for a person to simply not get anything out of porn? I just tried searching a website to find something to watch, per his request, but nothing appealed to me. It all looks disgusting and dirty and that none of it would turn me on. I've scoured lists of very common kinks and fetishes, and none of them jumped out at me as something I'd be into. I've personally enjoyed our sex life (he said he has too), but I know he has to hold back a lot. I don't like him saying "Fuck" and "pussy" or other such words, either... I also don't know how to entice him. Talking dirty isn't my forte either, even though the one time I tried it during sex, it really worked and was one of his favorite times, but I felt awkward. And then there's the Dom/sub thing. I'm scared of it, because I don't like the idea of being put down and told what to do. He's tried to get me to let him seek out the kink with someone else. Despite all the precautions he'd take (STD tests and such), I am a monogamous person and I think it's wrong. So I've tried to speed up my process of figuring myself out so that he wouldn't need anyone else, but I'm kind of stuck. And he doesn't want to affect my sexual identity by exposing me to Dom/sub and hurting me and making me hate him or anything. For what it's worth, our problems aren't all about sex but right now he does like me enough to stay (and I him) and try to work things out. I forgot what I was asking for with all this, but in so many ways, I need help.