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Keeping me on my toes....

Published on April 19, 2009 by myessence

I am living with my boyfriend. Pretty new relationship been with him for 4 months only. I get the feeling that he is wrestling with himself to open up to me emotionally. He has been through a lot. Wife died in an automobile accident, prior to that they were getting a divorce. ( She was on drugs and cheating ) Next live in girlfriend of his for 5 years had breast cancer. He took care of her and she got better..only to leave him and get married to someone else.... A year later she passed away. Now..I get the feeling that I am dealing with someone that is petrified to get hurt again. Though we cannot avoid this in life..sometimes we tend to put up a facade for our own sakes... My question is.... He does not seemed to want to open up to me emotionally. One minute he is hot the next he becomes distant and unapprochable.
These are my thoughts...I need to give him time and when he is ready then things will get better. In the meantime...I feel that this may become a pattern in our relationship if I do not do something about this now. Anything I say or do will not hold much unless he is willing to change or cooperate so...I am being patient and biding my time.
Am I doing this the constructive way or not...?

ANSWERS

 While the details are very different, I married a man who was terrified of his emotional terrain.  He had a LOT of really painful experiences as a young child and was afraid of being hurt, just like your guy.  We were in a pattern of 'get close, pull away' for 20 years.
 Your guy has an energetic pattern of being a caregiver and losing his beloved.  If he doesn't heal the pattern, he will undoubtedly repeat it again, whether with you or someone else (if you don't stick around long enough).  
 My question for you is, what's your energetic pattern?  How does it relate to his? Being patient and biding your time may, or may not, work in this case.  It might just buy into the two energetic patterns and create the next cycle, you know what I mean?
 I hardly ever ask this, and I do this for a living (www.romancercovery.com IF you're interested, but this is not a plug).... but is he open to therapy?  It sounds like he's had some genuinely traumatic experiences that could be helped by therapy.  I'm not a big fan of therapy; being a coach and an energy healer, I have a bias that my ways are faster, but sometimes therapy's the right approach.  Especially if it's someone who's also intuitive and open to other modalities, like EMDR or EFT, both of which are great for trauma.  
 I hope this was helpful!

You just need to give him time. It sounds like you are expecting too much too soon. After my FIL died, it took my husband almost a year to open up about it and we're married. You just need to be patient and not push him. Just continue on in your relationship and listen and be kind. If he's told you all that you just told us, then it sounds like he's opened up a lot thus far.

Seriously, give this guy some room to get through this himself. Don't judge him or say that he's not willing to work it out. It's been four months.

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