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just getting started and anxious

Published on February 7, 2012 by bvguy87

I met a girl at a family Christmas party. I've been friends with her family for a few years. She has a 15 month old daughter and just separated from her daughters fawther 4 motha ago. We just played with the kids at the get together well a few days later i ran into her at the store and we talked and decided to get dinner together. We went to dinner had a great time she didn't want to bring her daughter which didn't bother me if she did or didn't. Well for the next couple weeks we spend 2 or 3 nights together going on dates just spending time together. Were not having sex but one night things got kinda hot and ever since then we've been getting each other with a hug and a kiss. Well all i wanna do is spend time with her and be hers but she's scarred of getting into anything so early and barely know each other. We get along awesome her daughter has taken to me good. She makes comments after we leave each other like when you did this it touched me or I've never had someone treat me like that or think of me like you do... She's been in 2 R year relationships with alcoholics... Im just being me but i can't get her off my mind she's beautiful but im attracted to her because she's so desirable with her personality her whit her smile the way she cares about her daughter the way she gets stubborn and wants to prove people wrong shes a strong willed girl and i love all that about her... I don't know what im suppose to do i just wanna make her mine and i just keep quite and keep things going the way they are because she likes the way things are... There is one problem there is another guy... He's been a friend of hers before we met she says its never even came close to where were at but that's mostly because of his schedule but they have talked for a long time... I feel very nervous about this guy because I've waited so long for someone like her and i don't wanna loose my chance... Should i kinda force this subject and bring it up or just keep going g with the way things are and bite my tongue ?

ANSWERS

We never get the kind of life we desire by waiting for it all to happen for us, right? First of all, she's a single parent who jst separated from her child's father four months ago. You should be treading lightly here. It's one thing to find yourself interested in a single woman, but a single mother is an entirely different playing field (I knwo this because I myself, am one).

Step back and access the situation for a minute. How long have you been out of a relationship? Have you just left one as well? Are you really just lonely, or have you been more than happy and satisfied on your own for a while now and discovered there's a connection with this girl now after being connected to her family for a few years? You mention some trepidation about a guy friend of hers too. Do you see some sort of a spark between them and find yourself with a twinge of concerned jealousy because he's known her longer?

My suggestion is to bite the bullet and put it all out on the line. She will either return your feelings or not. The worst is she could do is say no, and last I checked, no one ever dies from it. If you are certain you can not be 'just friends', then you need to be honest about your feelings to her. Whatever you choose, TAKE IT SLOW. There is a child in this dynamic, it's serious business. Really think about what you'd be involving yourself in before taking such a leap. Good luck :]

Sorry about the few misspellings! I type a little too quickly sometimes and overlook error, hope it helped regardless :]

Its ok important texting this from my phone so my spelling want so good either.... I've been out of a relationship for about a year now and i feel like i have myself together pretty well. I have a good job and a decent house. Its just one of them things i didn't go looking for this it just showed up in front of me and she's in my head i can't get her out... She's the first to text me in the morning and the last person i talk to every night. There's just something different in the way we jve... I told her one time that no matter what just be honest with me i can handle anything just don't love tp me if there's something that should be talked about tell me. We a couple days later is when she told me about this other guy. Yes i am jealous why i don't know i guess i feel threatened. Its just I've waited for someone like her for so long and its blind sided me and i don't wanna loose that because she makes me happy. Her daughter is a big deal i will always be second to her and i know that and im fine with that i get that. My step father is my best friend and if i could be half the man he was to my family i would say they would be lucky... I really like this girl

If I were in your shoes, this is what I would say to her. "If I'm going to give my heart to you, I need to know that I'm the only man in your life. I'd like to be exclusive with you. I don't keep in communication with my exes. Of course, you need to be in contact with your child's father, but if you remain in contact with exes, it will prevent our relationship from growing. I want to know if you agree with me or not, because that's the way I like to be in a relationship."

As for me, a person who remains in contact with someone who they were once romantically involved with, is not worth the risk to me. It's okay to tell someone your needs in a relationship. It shows you have a backbone and don't put up with bull. When I dated, I always told my partner what I expected, and accepted nothing less. If they weren't on the same page, I didn't waste my time. Good luck.

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