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It's complicated

Published on April 7, 2012 by


I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. A year after we began dating I got pregnant, unexpectedly.  I was scared but thought that since we were both in our thirties that it wasn't a big deal and that we could find a way to deal with it.  Unfortunately my boyfriend didn't feel the same way, he showed no emotion except being worried and actually seemed sad about the whole thing.

A few days later he finally got the guts to tell me that he was married.  He got married five years ago so that he could stay in the country and eventhough he no longers lives with his wife, he is still married. His wife gave him $10k to buy the house that he currently lives in, he has not paid her back and they are constantly fighting.  I stayed with him because of the baby and because it was my first pregnancy and I did not want to go through it alone. In April of this year I had a miscarriage.

Now I'm at a point where I want to get married and have kids, and he knows this. Everytime I bring up his "situation" he doesn't want to talk about it and acts as if I'm hurting him by bringing it up.  He says that he loves me and that he doesn't want to hold me back and if he doesn't make me happy then i should find someone who will. He says that he wants to be with me and that he wants to be able to marry me someday.


Am I a fool for waiting for him?

Fool for love


Yeah you are. If you want to get married and have kids, he needs to be divorced pretty soon so that you two can do those things. Sounds like he doesn't want to. He's telling you point blank to leave him. When people say something along the lines of go find someone better. You should listen. If they wanted to be with you, they would work towards becoming the "better" they believe you deserve. Seems he has no interest in doing so.