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It's complicated...

Published on December 22, 2013 by dondilla

I'm not sure what I am really asking, or what I want to hear. But I need a place that I can go to talk to and get some input. I'll take you all to the start.

It all started about a year ago in August. I started working at a this new place. I made a new friend instantly, her name for this will be Molly. Molly and I hit it off and after a while I was introduced to her friend Ava. Now I started spending a lot of time with Molly,Ava, and my current best friend Sam. I liked Molly a lot and asked her out on a date. We went on it,and we both enjoyed it as far as I could tell...and then she started to push me away from her and towards her friend. Why? I don't know, she made it sound as if she would be embarassed to date me. We were 17 at the time.

I started dating Ava,I compromised for her and I hate to admit it. I mostly did it because I got to keep spending time around Molly which makes me feel like the worse person in the world. Ava must have know that I liked Molly still as she brought it up all the time. I wish I had just left them all alone but after about 9 months I ended it with Ava because I couldn't stand to be around her knowing I didn't have any feelings for her. I never her told her this. I just told her I couldn't be with her anymore. Was this the right thing to say? I didn't want to jeoprodize Molly's relationship with Ava just by telling her that I have had a thing for Ava over those past 9 months.

6 months later here we are. Ava is still angry over our breakup because she doesn't feel like I told her everything. I don't want to, but to make things worse. Molly and I have been spending a lot of time together. This is when I realized that my feelings never went away for Molly, and this is when I felt even worse for this.... I didn't wanna tell Molly this,but she wants to hang out almost all the time, and I can't say no to her. I told her how I felt and things went interesting...

I told her that I have had feelings for her since I met her more than a year ago. I told her that my relationship with Ava was awful(Something she already knew as Ava had gone to her multiple times asking if we were cheating on her with each other...), and I felt super bad for it. She told me she had a crush on me when Ava and I had started dating, and thought since Ava and I seemed like we were working out tried to forget it. She told me things change in the future and she doesn't know what she can do with Ava being in such a bad place now.

This is where I need input from others. How do I proceed? I feel like I'm in the wrong, so I should just leave her alone, but I really love being around her. She always smiles when shes around me and I always feel happy when I'm with her. We have a lot in common and rarely fight, except over stupid. Should I talk to Ava about this? Molly expressed not telling Ava, and I feel obligated to listen to her. Helps. Please. I don't want to just move on, but if it's the most logical option, I feel as if I should. But I can't think straight. I need input advice, anything please.

ANSWERS

It seems like you have some difficult decisions in front of you. Unfortunately, all you can do is be honest with yourself and those around you. I think I know what you are trying to do: spare Ava the pain of being rejected and keep on being friends. I honestly don't know if that is possible. It will all depend if Ava can accept things the way they are. Eventually, Ava will find out the truth and it will devastate her more if you say nothing. It may hurt to tell her the truth and it may be difficult to hear. One question I ask myself is how many people will suffer from your truth and honesty. Only you can answer this question. If it is just you three, I think honesty can be liberating. If being friends with Ava is not something that is important to you, I wouldn't tell her anything unless she asks you.

On a separate note, I think you can learn a great deal from this situation about your relationship with both Ava and Molly. I would ask yourself at what point did things get complicated and what could you do to alleviate confusion? How can you articulate what you would like and be honest with those close to you?

A more global question is what do you want in your life? I ask because your life decisions will affect the future of your relationships. I wish you the best with this situation. Remember to be honest with yourself and the people around you. You will be surprised how much insight and understanding you will gain.

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