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It's been 6 months

Published on July 8, 2013 by jalts52

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. In January we were out and I got way too drunk and said some mean things to her about wishing she wasn't around. I didn't mean it and it was difficult to get through but we did. I took full responsibility and slowly showed her how much she meant to me as we dealt with her dog passing away suddenly in February. She has said several times that she has forgiven me for what happened.

But here we are in early July and we haven't shared a bed or had sex or anything of the like since January. I didn't push the issue for a long time because I knew that I had messed up and I needed to let her work past that. But for about the past month we have talked about it a few times because it is really starting to get to me. She says she loves me so much and can't imagine breaking up but she just can't be intimate. She says she wants to be but every time the situation might arise she is reminded of what I said and can't do it.

How much longer can or should I wait? I love her as much as ever but I'm starting to lose faith that we can ever be in a completely fulfilling relationship again. I would wait as long as she needs but she can't even tell me that she will get over it eventually. Am I crazy to think we should be past this by now?

ANSWERS

No one can say how long it takes for another person to move on from something like this; everyone is different. It sounds like you’re making effort to communicate with her, which is a great thing. Try sitting down with her and addressing the intimacy issue head on, and reaffirm to her that she is the only person you want to be with. Ask her what she is feeling that makes her reluctant to be intimate. Keep the focus on her and her feelings. Make her feel secure. This conversation should be about her needs; make it clear that you want to attend to them.

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