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Is it wrong I am upset my boyfriend is friends with his ex?

Published on January 3, 2011 by buglove

I just found out my boyfriend of a year and a half is still friends with an ex.  We moved into together a year ago with my 3 year old.  We are more like a family than bf/gf.  I do not think it is appropriate to be friends with an ex, I think it is a way of keeping tabs or having a fall back, ex's are ex's for a reason, why would you still want to hold on to that.  He doesn't get it.  They are FB friends which I find completely inappropriate as well!  I found a comment from right after we started dated on one of his photos that is def light flirting ((his comments to her)).  He doesn't get my frustration with the whole situation.  I un-friended every ex I kept in touch with on FB when we got serious and  I knew I didn't want to be with anyone besides this man.  Advice please!!!!

ANSWERS

I don't believe that it's inappropriate for you to take your boyfriend's friendship with his ex personally. I believe that some people weren't meant to be dating and are better as friends. And eventually, after some time of dating they finally can realize that and evolve their relationship. Maintaining relationships with your ex is very healthy it shows that you harbor no ill feelings towards them. Being facebook friends is not that serious anyway. It is actually really beneficial for you to be friends with an ex if not for any other reason, just to learn from the mistakes you've made in other relationship. I keep in contact with my exes, I hang out with one a couple times a year and keep in touch on facebook. What used to be there is gone and of course and since I made closure, I have no more feelings positive or negative toward them. My boyfriend is very comfortable with that and has even hung out with me and my ex. As soon you show that you are unaffected by his friendship with her is the minute he stops caring about it. If you have to fake it, you should. But having confidence and not being threatened by his friendship is what will be attractive to him. Nagging and advising him on his social life on the other hand will not. If it really does bother you, reach out and friend her too or be bold and have a double date. If you're a nice person, she would have every reason to stay away from your man. Jealousy is unhealthy and toxic to relationships and will just push him further away. Why would you be worried? Men and women can just be friends. You have no reason not to trust him, or else you shouldn't be with him.

I think you can be friends with your ex. Somtimes it actually works out better if you are friends then together in a realationship. You have to know he's with you now an loves you otherwise im sure you wouldnt be living together. You have to be secure in his choices an know that he wants to be with you. You start doubting your realationship or what friends he chooses to have then your going to start to have problems btw the two of you.

I had ex issues in the past too, i was cheated on alot in the past but the main thing you need to focus on is trusting him until he gives you a reason not to, as soon as he does that you have some ground. I actually ended up becoming really good friends with my husbands ex and i still talk to mine too. What helped me get through my ex issues is just breaking down the akward wall and go hang out with her if she really is a friend then she will have no problem being your friend too. although certain feelings will always be there some people are just better as friends. dont anticipate a problem or else you will create one, thats the best advice i have ever gotten. good luck!

I don't stay in contact with ex's, because I think it's disrespectful to my fiance, and I could care less about them anyway. I have enough friends and don't need to add the ex's to the group. When I first started dating my fiance, I asked if he stayed in contact with ex's. He does not, and if he did, I would have stopped dating him. I don't need that crap in my life. My fiance is on the same page as me in all of the major ways. I read an article that said if your bf stayed in touch with an ex, tell him that you know there's nothing going on, but you're not comfortable with him communicating with ex's, and would he be willing to de-friend her or them for your sake. If he cares about your feelings, it shouldn't bother him to de-friend her. If he chooses to keep her as a friend, you will know that it's important for him to stay in contact with her. Either he likes the ego boost or excitement of other women in his life, or has the attitude that I'll do whatever I want and if you don't like it, tough. Good luck.

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