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Is it wrong to be a working mom?

Published on April 27, 2009 by donnak

I am a very independent, self-relient women, and my mom was a working mom who I am extremely proud of and admire in every way. My future mother-in-law was a stay at home mom of three kids whose life revolved and still does, around her children. She once told me that she think its just horrible how mothers don't stay at home any more and she went on and on about how bad that is for the kids and their character, etc.... At that point I mentioned to her that my mom was a working mom who had to work full time to make ends meet. My dad had a decent job, but lets face it, without both incomes we would've been on food stamps. Then she preceded to tell me that if you work hard enough at it and pinch pennies here and there you can do it. She is assuming to know how life was for us, and that she could do it. I have nothing against stay at home moms, but I have a problem with comments such as hers when she has no clue what it was like for my mom and our family, and her daughter is much the same way. I find myself wanting even more to work and not have kids, due to such judgemental "mommies."


I think being a working mum is much more the norm nowadays then it ever used to be. Sure your future mother-in-law was a stay at home mum. It was much more common with the last generation. What makes a good mother? Someone who takes care of her own growth and happiness so that she can be the best mum to her kids that she can.

I think there will always be judgmental "mommies" out there. Everyone always thinks that their way is the best way. Just continue living your life by making yourself happy. Ya' can't please everyone!

When it comes to parenting people are nothing but judgmental. But if you love working and enjoy it. Don't worry about ladies like that. In fact, don't befriend them. There are tons of working moms in the world today. Why did this one woman cause you to question your beliefs?

I'm an at-home mom and I feel judged all the time for that. Oddly enough, your mother-in-law may be acting defensive because she feels pressured for not having worked. If I were her, I would like it you told me that you think at-home moms do important work and that I'd done a great job raising my son. Praise her for the economic sacrifices she made and talk about how it's too bad society doesn't value the work of at-home parents more.

With anyone else, I would go ahead and argue about how it doesn't work for everyone, some people really do need to work, my mother did a great job, etc. Since she's your MIL, I would suggest not pushing it. Unfortunately, as your MIL, she may be hoping that you will stay home for the sake of her future grandchildren, so she may keep talking about it. Just try not to argue, but say you'll figure it out in the future with your husband. Get his help if you have to.

For yourself, remember that kids benefit from at-home moms, but not if the mom is miserable. You'll have to figure out what you want someday in the future. I think many people don't really figure it out until after they've had kids and until they know how their career works.