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Is it too late to ask what he feels?

Published on April 1, 2012 by waterlishy

I have known this guy for almost a year, we talked often, through email or text message for most of it and recently started to see each other. When we first spent time together, it was at his place to watch a movie, and I ended up staying the night, after that all of our dates have had the same pattern. While I don't mind, as I really like him and enjoy our time together. I am getting confused as to what we are. The last few times I have been over, after he thinks I am asleep, he leans over and kisses my shoulder or side and whispers something, but I can never make out what it is. But when we are awake, he seems passive about our "whatever" and is very passive about making any future plans to see each other. Now I am also very shy when it comes to feelings and I need to know if its too late to ask what we are and how he feels. And if it isn't too late, how in the heck do I do this?

ANSWERS

It's never too late to ask for what you want. Arent' your needs important. If you lack self esteem, get some books from the library and work on it. Guys like strong, confident women who know what they want. Don't be a doormat. You'll attract guys that like to treat you like crap. For now, I would be honest. I would say, "I'd like to know what our relationship status is. Do you want to be exclusive?" If he says yes, tell him you like to go out and do things like bowling, the movies, out to eat, hiking, etc. Tell him that you wiill make plans for one week, and he can make the plans for the following week. When you make plans, you pay. When he makes plans, he pays. Sometimes you can go dutch.

If he says he doesn't want to be exclusive at this time, I would stop communicating with him. He's getting sex without being in a commited relationship, and you're just getting your heart broken.

If he wants to date exclusively, make sure he's putting in a daily effort by a phone call and setting up plans with you. If he doesn't, he's not worthy of you and you need to cut ties. Never settle. Go for someone who will treat you special every day. In the future, never go to each others homes at the beginning. It leads to sex, and then you wind up where you are now. Not knowing if you're dating or a f buddy. Good luck.

She's right. Just ask. If you want a relationship, tell him. If you want to be friends w/benefits, tell him. It takes two people to make any kind of relationship or agreement work. You guys need to get on the same page.

I couldn't agree more with the other two comments - you must talk about what you both want.

And you may try making a list of your desired qualities and needs in a boyfriend. Then decide which are "must have" and which are "I would like". Also think about what are your "deal breakers" in any relationship. Do this alone and don't settle for less for yourself.

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