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Is it okay that my boyfriend watches porn everyday?

Published on November 19, 2012 by schickiano

Everyday, literally, and we have sex on a regular basis. (we've been together for 2 and a half years) No, the porn has not affected our relationship in terms of sex, but i am an incredibly insecure person and he knows that, which is why he's been keeping it a secret because he KNOWS how uncomfortable i would be with it. When i first found out how often he was watching, i asked him a simple question, "Do you watch porn?" and he said no, and continued lying for about 20 minutes, getting angrier and angrier by the minute before exploding and screaming at the top of his voice, "YES I WATCH PORN ARE YOU HAPPY NOW" even after that 'confession' he continued to lie about it, i asked him how often he said not even once a week but his browser history shows that he watches everyday. He was so angry at me, and even threatened to walk away from me while the whole time i was trying to understand his anger. I didn't ask him to stop, because with his obvious daily activity i knew he wouldn't, some days he does it twice. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and sometimes in the middle of sex he can't stay hard, so I immediately think it's something wrong with me. I am not a big girl, I am slightly overweight but he has always told me how attracted he is to me, yet in his browser history he is looking up swimsuit and lingerie models, I'm confused and upset, please help :( 

ANSWERS

If he's losing his erection in the middle of sex, I'd say the porn IS affecting your sex life. Men are very visually oriented and stimulated, so the appeal of porn is not a surprise. Sometimes when there is a big difference between a couple's sex drives, a man may turn to porn for some supplemental relief when his partner doesn't want sex, but every day or even a couple times a day is much more frequent than is typical. However, he should always prefer real sex with a woman to an internet porn site and a bottle of hand lotion. I would be curious to hear how the non-sexual aspects of your relationship are going.

Aside from the porn, you two have some issues that need to be dealt with. You've said you have problems with insecurity (to the point of snooping through his browser history - a definite "No! No!"). Your confronting him about it and badgering about it (grilling him for 20 minutes after he's denied it) has him turning from embarrassed to angry and defensive. I'm not saying he DOESN'T have a porn problem (I think he probably does - and needs to address it), but backing him into a corner is not going to be very productive.

If it makes you feel any better, what's going through the minds of many men when they're watching some swimsuit perfect actress going at it onscreen is, "I'd love to be doing this with my girlfriend/wife!"

As for your negative body image (another aspect of insecurity) I can guarantee you that you are judging yourself far more harshly than he is - he likely really is as attracted to you as he declares. The best I can say to you regarding what you think of your body is what I said before in other places.

If you’re naked and smiling for your man, he’s not thinking, “Ewe, gross – cellulite!” He’s thinking, “YES – thank you, God! Papa’s gonna get laid!”

If you’ve got some body parts that jiggle, he wants to see what activities you’ll join him in to make them jiggle even faster (and then jiggle again a few minutes later once he’s caught his breath and is ready for a second go).

If you had a body as slim as you think yours ought to be, most guys who see you would be thinking, “That girl needs to eat something!”

Most men like you to be on top, and ALL men want you to leave the lights on when making love – that’s because they like what they’re seeing.

If we have any complaint about your bodies, it’s that you don’t let us play with them NEARLY enough.

The number one thing a man finds attractive about a women in bed is ENTHUSIASM. He doesn’t care if you’re a blond; he doesn’t care if you’ve got a set of DD’s; he doesn’t care that you have a flat belly; he doesn’t care what dress size you wear. What matters to him is that you’re in his bed, that it’s precisely where you want to be, and that it’s specifically because of HIM that you are excited to be there. The best compliment you can ever pay him is to have a good time while you’re there.

If you can think “I’m unattractive”, while at the same time fighting off a husband who can’t keep his hands off you, you need to have your head examined!

We’ll take a life with happy and cheerful “3″ over one with a “10″ who’s a bitchy drama queen every time – and thank God for His blessings.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend!

It's pretty easy to find articles on addictions to porn on the internet. I would read some, if I were you. I actually read a pretty scary article that said that when men look at porn everyday, it actually changes the neurons of their brain, and that it becomes a default way of getting turned on, versus being with a real live woman. The reason for dating is to find someone who you're compatible with in all major ways. This is a major problem that you'd have to ignore or deal with the rest of your life, because you're right, he probably won't change. Choosing the right man means that you don't want to change him. That means he's compatible with you in his ethics and life goals.

Every minute he spends on porn could be spent with you, cuddling on the couch, going out for a hike, going to the flea market, etc., or on normal hobbies like sports, etc. What if you stayed with him and wanted childrent? Is he going to be hiding in a room with his porn instead of spending time with the kids? If you told him to quit and get counseling, he'd probably feel resentful. What would I do? Bail and then spend some time single to think about what I really want in a man. When I was ready to date, I'd cut the men loose as soon as I saw a dealbreaker like addictions to porn, narcotics, cheating, etc. That frees you to find someone worthy of you. He was in your life for a reason. Take your lessons from the relationship and move on. Love isn't enough. Never settle. Go for the gold. Good luck.

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