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Is it ok for wife to have a male friend on the side???

Published on February 25, 2011 by breaking up2011

i am married for 25yrs, i was wondering if it healthy for a married woman to have a male friend and i came to found out after she erronously called my cell phone thinking she was talking to her male friend, what should i do i confronted her once she promise to stop talking to him and later this year i saw her cell phone with the male cellphone number still interacting... please advice i am hurting badly should i seek a divorce something :( 

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See if she will go to marriage counseling with you. If not, she has hidden this relationship from you, and a relationship shouldn't exist if you have to keep it a secret. A spouse should not be making new friends of the opposite sex (daily contact and getting together). If she doesn't agree to counseling, then I would get a divorce since she doesn't care about your feelings, and continued the contact after you asked her to stop. That is uncaring and disrespectful behavior. Your spouse should be your rock, and make you feel confident that the relationship is the best it can be, and that you are loved.

There's a difference between a male friend and a partner in an emotional affair. If she is closer to him than she is to you, or if she is sharing information/feelings with him that she doesn't share with you, then you've got trouble.

Women's affairs are very serious, but they don't have to end in divorce. I would look around the web to find sites that specialize in healing from affairs. A website you might find helpful is DearPeggy.com. A good book is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Read it and get educated on how these affairs start and what to do about them.

Most people who cheat do believe affairs are wrong, and sometimes they feel pretty bad about it. There may be hope for your situation: by becoming stronger and preparing yourself mentally and emotionally by reading books on healing a marriage after an affair will give you a better chance of reconciliation.

Finally, you are going to need to find a specialist in the area of healing after affairs. Not every therapist/psychologist can do this. You need to look for the right counselor, someone with special knowledge and success in the field. Many people say, "I cannot afford to go to the best." My response is: "What if that person is 100 times better and costs only $25 more per session?" You will spend less money long term on a great therapist than an average one. Plus you might avoid a costly divorce.

Not all situations can be reconciled, but you need to start taking action by becoming an expert on affairs. You have at least a 50-50% chance.

Good luck, my friend.

By the way, marriages that survive affairs end up closer and more intimate than they were before--provided that the betraying spouse is willing to answer the betrayed spouse's questions openly and honestly. See this checklist: http://www.shirleyglass.com/reflect_relationships2.htm

I agree with VetteG. If she is closer to him than you, you have trouble. However, sometimes women just need another guy to vent their problems to who isn't you...especially if they are venting about you. I wouldn't jump to any major conclusions unless you know this is really serious, but you should at least talk about it with her and see what's up/why she's keeping in touch with him.

What did she say when she called you thinking you were her male friend?. And even if she does have a male friend, she shouldn't be secretive about it. She's creating conflict by giving you reason to believe that she's having an affair. If you talked to her already, what was her response? Did it seem like she was making up an excuse? Although I've never been married I know that 25 years is alot to throw away, and I know it wont be easy. But right is right and wrong is wrong. Your grown and you'll know how to make the right decision when your ready to make the right decision. Sometimes you have to follow your head before your heart, because 9 times out of 10 your head sees things in a clear picture before your heart hears them.

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