0 0


Is it heathy for my boy friend to show no emotion?

Published on February 1, 2012 by rebecca ziemer

My boyfriend insists that it's okay not to cry that his heart is calloused. He thinks this has worked for him. But is going to be 30 and hasn't had a healthy relationship. They all cheated on him. I truely love him, but feel emotionally neglected and his sarcasm is hurtful. I told him its unhealthy not to express emotions. And he thinks it's worked for him so far. At first he did cry. He was sensitive and loveing, thoughtful. I think his "calloused" heart is an excuse to play the victim. He won't budge on the matter insisting that not showing emotion or crying when your sad is a healthy way of coping. Leaving me to feel emotionally neglected. How can I show him. Is there anything I can do? He reads the emails sent out daily so I hope something other than me "telling him what's wrong with him" can make him see. He can loose me, friendship now relationship for 10 years if he can't stop the sarcasm and stop the excuses. I've told him. I've been through things horror movies are made of raped kidnapped but still I am not cold I cry and share how I feel. How does he think he is okay that this way of not feeling is. Okay? That even though he could loose me over it. It's okay to be so cold. Please help me show him it's not a healthy way to live or to have a healthy relationship. Thank you.


Dear Rebecca,

You can't make or force your boyfriend to show his emotions if he doesn't want to or isn't ready to. What you can do is to lead by example by sharing your feelings and emotions with him as they come up because you want to (not because of an underlying agenda to get him to do the same). Unless he is willing and ready to change on his own, nothing you do or say will get him to show his emotions the way you'd like him to.

The bigger question is why do you want to be with someone with whom you feel emotionally neglected and hurt by his sarcasm? You deserve someone who supports you emotionally and is kind to you. By staying with your boyfriend, you send the message that it's okay for him to neglect you emotionally and to be sarcastic to you.

Please focus first on what you want in your partner and relationship. If your boyfriend doesn't fit what you really want, there are many other men who can show their emotions in a healthy way and treat you well.