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Is it ever okay to get back together with an abusive ex?

Published on September 21, 2009 by dustbunny

I am madly in love with my ex boyfriend but he has substance abuse issues, has broken my things, and hit me once in the past. Is there any hope that he can change and we can have a normal loving relationship?

ANSWERS

He's still an addict? Get rid of him. The guy you love is gone. Until he goes through rehab, completes and spends at least six months drug-free, don't go anywhere near him.

You can't change him. Only he can decide to go to rehab and change himself. And then only he can make the changes, and make them permanent.

You should go and enjoy your life, don't wait around for an addiction, which is all he is until he kicks it.

Girl, what is so awesome about this guy that his blatant disrespect of your person and your property make him worth getting back together with?

Don't you feel you deserve someone who loves you and who will afford you the same respect he might afford his boss, his mama, or a person on the street?

If you get back together with him you're telling him several things:

a) You're more important than I am, full stop b) It's okay if you abuse drugs, and it's perfectly fine if you end up stealing from me and selling my things, ignoring me, and possibly even pimping me out later (remember he's an abuser) to get some drugs. Drugs are more important than I am. c) I can totally afford to buy stuff for you to break. But if you break them, how will you sell them for drugs? d) I'm a punching bag, a doormat, and pretty much a piece of property, just like one of my things you break. It's fine. I don't deserve to be treated like someone, just treat me like something.

If you think I'm being outrageous, write down everything you said and compare it with everything I just said. Draw lines from one of your statements to one of mine. I may be right. Respect yourself. It's better to be alone than with a man who will treat you worse than he would treat his dealer. And you know he treats his dealer right.

To put it as eloquently as possible, If a man ever broke my sister's femurs, I would fucking crucify him upside down, shove his severed genitals in his mouth and leave him to the fucking crows.

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