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Is this betrayal

Published on February 4, 2013 by nfgt34

Thank you for your advise.This friend is very toxic and I have tolerated her for a very long time.She brings me down,always had something negative to say about my appearnce,clothes but keeps quite when people are praising me,the list is endless but my husband is not aware of her character.Ever since I've known her,I have always been the YES person,doing her favours all the time,but not the other way round.The last straw was during my son's christening when the caterer dissapointed me and we had to quickly fix some food for the visitors.I was in such a state that all lady acquantances rush to my kitchen to help in various ways,and my friend was the only one who sat unconcern,yet was only picking things I have not done correctly such as 'your glasses need to be washed','your wine needs to be chilled as no you do not serve white wine at room temperature'etc.I pulled through and we all had fun with my visitors.I was in my kitchen with my hubby when this friend popped in a ask if she could spend the night at mine.before I could open my mouth ,my hubby had already responded,that yes she could.I ignored this and we all went to bed.In the morning,I was expecting him to leave home at his normal time around 9am.Up until 10.30 he was still around and told my friend he waiting to drop her off at the train station.I had no idea that was his plan for staying late.Considering the fact that he had refused to stay late to pick up another friend of mine who was literally just commining to help me decorate before the party.I still kept quite ,thinking I may be making a big deal ,he was just being nice to my friend.As my friend was leaving ,all she said was 'sorry I could not be of help to you'.To be honest,since then ,I kept my distance but calls occassionally.She once called me asking me to be her NOK on an application form and I told her I could not do it,since then ,the relationship had gone stale and we've both kept our distance.She was schocked because I had never refused her favours before.My husband overhead us arguing on the phone but pretend he does not know what is going on.He bought a new phone recently and I was just fiddling with it only to see her had been texting my friend and asking how she is doing.she replied she is doing fine but nothing suspicious though.I also trust her even though we are separeted.she had her stuff in my garage and called to make arrangement to pick them up and my husband picked the call,told her yes,he is available on weekends and ask her if she would like to speak to me.She spoke to me briefly that my husband said we are available.should he give my friend a choice to speak to me? Should he be the one to be around when she comes to my house as I did her a favour? My husband had deleted all their conversations on his phone. He knows we are no longer on talking terms ,so why would he be texting to ask how he is.She is preganat and he was asking about the baby and she told him baby had not arrived yet,but will lwt him know.I knew she was pregnant but don't know how my husband became aware.I have not confronted him yet,but I feel really betrayed,and do not even want him close to me.How do you explain his actions.How can he establish a frindship with my exfriend without me? What has he got to gain in this friendship other than cause me pain? I know my friend is not interested in him but would love this attention to wind me up as she can be very manipulative. Please ,advise as I want to confront him but don not know how.sorry this is lengthy .Thanks


Assume your husband truly is clueless to the workings or female emotions and relationships (it's usually true - you're like a strange alien race to us). Tell how how you feel and why (even if it would be blindingly obvious to you or any other woman) - both about your friend, and his interactions with her. Once he is aware of things, he SHOULD be supportive of you. Be prepared for him to try to solve the problem. Men are fixers - we see a problem and try to correct it. It's not really in our nature to simply affirm that you're right in feeling the way you do, without fixing the problem.

As for your friend, you can choose to lay things out for her as you do for your husband and give her one last chance to mend her ways. However, I don't have much faith that she will - you may well simply go straight to cutting her out of your life.

Thank you very much for this,I had a chart with him and explained the situation.I did not want to portray my friend as toxic to him but touched on few issues I've had with her.He seemed to understand and I hope that he takes it. As for my friend,I have completely cut her off.

Thank you