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Is our relationship going anywhere?

Published on September 4, 2013 by liveforlove

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months. I know that doesn't sound like very long- but we have fallen in love with each other and I really enjoy being with him. The problem is, I have recently begun to feel like our relationship isn't really progressing anywhere.
He is a restaurant manager and often has to work very late- and I work during the day- so our conflicting schedules sometimes make it more difficult for us to find time to see each other. When we first started dating, we were spending at least 2-3 nights a week together. Recently, that has dropped down to about one night a week. We talk every day and he texts me all the time telling me how much he loves me and misses me, or rambles on about how happy I make him, etc.. But then when I actually try to come over and spend time with him, he will be too tired from work/in a bad mood/wants to be alone, etc. He is very much an introvert and likes to have his alone time-- and I know his job is very exhausting, but I feel like if he really loved me as much as he claims to, he would make more of an effort to spend time with me. I'm not a clingy girl and I don't want to take over every moment of his life, I just feel like it’s impossible for us to build on our relationship when we hardly spend any time together.
I’m very confused by the mixed messages I am receiving from him. I know he isn’t seeing anyone else- so that’s not the issue. He tells me he loves me all the time, and I believe that he does, but then his actions make it seem like this relationship isn’t really a priority. I’ve kind of tried to mention this to him, but he gets very defensive so I usually just drop it. I’m just looking for some thoughts or advice on where to go from here? – Or maybe tips on how to talk to him about this. OR do you think I should just back off and let things keep going how they are for a while? Im really not ready to give up on this relationship yet- so any advice would be great! Thanks!!


Your relationship is going not going anywhere. From the information you have provided i can deduce that you boyfriend is a shallow, cheating, asshole. If i were you, I would break up with him ASAP

It doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is being unfaithful. In his defense, if he is just exhausted from work, maybe he knows that he won't be his best self if he sees you after a long shift. He may take his stress and tiredness out on you unintentionally, so I can see why he may like some time to wind down after interacting with people all day. That being said, you definitely need to sit down and talk this out. His defensiveness could be a sign of immaturity. You need to tell him that you are making the relationship a priority, and you're upset that it feels like he isn't. Phone calls and text messages are easy ways to stay connected, but if he truly wants to be committed to you, there needs to be more physical interaction. Work together to schedule dates each week. Ask if he minds if you spend time him after work and did a relaxing activity together, like watching a movie or playing a game. If he doesn't want to make an effort to see you, you need to explain to him that you aren't going to put 100 percent of your effort into the relationship if he's giving you much less than that.