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is it time to quit the marriage

Published on December 19, 2012 by surpat

Married for 24 years ,husband never showed understanding or love although I held the family together for the children by overlooking these qualities thinking he will come around and realize things.We both are in our early fifties and suddenly he is acting strange for the past 2 years.He thinks he has no obligations in the relationship and does whatever he feels......I know he does not have another woman but he flirts with younger women even in front of me and behind me.He also is very discrete about his whereabouts ,his plans,and finances. All this makes me feel I have deprived myself of so many good relationships with my family,friends just to keep him not bickering and giving me hardship when I nurtured any.Now he says he hates me .I think he is also psychotic and feel he plays mind games with me.He may have been before too but I did not notice enough as I was busy raising children and working too.I think we can work this marriage out if he probably seeks helps.He thinks nothing is wrong with him but I feel he is enjoying his life in his own way and I have no place in his enjoyment space.He comes to me for just physical satisfaction and home caretaker functions and my fat paycheck that I contribute which is more than him.My kids are both adults and I have to support them for college for the next 5 years and expect he will help too. Will a counselor be able to help .If yes what kind of specialist should I seek help from. Any advice is appreciated. Sincerely Su


If you think he may be a danger to you, get out immediately - do not take the risk of staying around.

If these behavioral changes you describe occurred over a rather short period of time (6 months or less), they may be a symptom of a physical or mental illness - a full physical and evaluation might be a good idea (actually, at your ages, you each ought to be having annual physicals anyway). Drugs (either ones he's abusing, or a side effect to some prescribed medication) could also be to blame. Despite your claim that he is not cheating, what you have described of his behavior would also be consistent with him having an affairLook into all the possibilities before either of you do something rash.

Sadly, what I think most likely is that one or both of you is having a midlife crisis. You (or he) realize you have spent your youth and middle age in an unsatisfying marriage, more than half your life is behind you, and you'll be damned if you're going to go the rest of you days this way. Now that the milestone of having the kids (possibly the only reason you've stayed in this marriage) grown and out of the house is only a few years away, you (or he)is like a school kid 2 weeks before summer break. You can feel that joyous freedom so tantalizingly close, and it's eating you up that you're night quite there yet.

A marriage/relationship counselor may help, but at this point, you seem pretty far gone - it will be a challenge.