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is it time to move on

Published on June 5, 2014 by j.c.

Will my husband ever grow up and commit to this marriage and his family? He's been in and out of jail since we started dating 5 years ago its the same story every time also our relationship gets worse every time


Unfortunately, whatever is putting him in and out of jail has more value and power over his life than his family. That doesn't mean that he doesn't value his family also, only that he has issues that control him, and until he gets help with those issue, he will not be capable of playing the role of a dependable and responsible husband.

So, he is the way he is and without him deciding he wants and needs help and taking action, he will stay that way. You can accept him the way he is, or leave. Don't stay believing things will just magically change. If his problems were not deep rooted, he would have changed already.

Sadly, as the previous responder suggested, growing up is seldom just a matter of years. For your husband, growing up probably has to do with his being willing to deal with his own destructive patterns. That's seldom easy. As a therapist, and Your Tango expert, I frequently see that such patterns are often rooted in a person's view of himself, and the way he handles certain basic feelings such as frustration, or anger, or pain. What I would ask is what keeps you believing that he will change? It makes sense that you want him to yet you say that he keeps doing the same thing with a negative effect on your marriage. Are you believing his words more than his actions? When you are trying to be kind, and keep a marriage and family together, it's easy to believe you'll get the change you want. But when you don't, it's time to start looking at what is going on with you. If you want to talk more about this, feel free to contact me. Carol Freund (www.carol