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Is it bad to ask someone out on a date while in a relationship?

Published on May 30, 2014 by wafflesrules

I'm a sophomore in high school and I've been dating a junior for a few months. We've been drifting apart for a month now and I've been planning to break up with him. The spark just isn't there anymore. The problem is we're both so busy with schoolwork that we don't have time to properly sit down for coffee and talk for thirty minutes (which is how I'm planning to break the news to him).

The school year is almost over and I've been really into this guy in my French class. He knows I'm in another relationship so he would never ask me out, but I'm tired of my current relationship and I want to move on. Would it be rude to ask the guy in my French class out on a date when I currently have a boyfriend, who I'm planning to break up with soon? I've never gotten with the guy in my French class in the past because of shyness, bad timing, etc., but now I want to take the chance before school ends to finally go on a date with him. If I miss this opportunity, I might never get the chance again.

I'll probably ask him out tomorrow, which is a day before finals week, then break up with my boyfriend over the summer. I'm just afraid that this is in bad taste, and I'll lose respect from the people around me. I think it's not wrong because I'm just asking the guy from my French class on a date, and I'll plan the date after I break up with my boyfriend. I just have to ask him for his phone number before summer starts and before the break up with my boyfriend because of timing. The worst thing that can happen is that the guy from French will say no, but I just don't want him to say no because he thinks that I'm unfaithful in relationships.

So do you think the guy from French will understand where I'm coming from and do you think this is disrespectful to my boyfriend? Also, does this situation say something about my maturity in dating because I'm not severing ties before getting back in the dating pool? I don't know if I'm fit to date at all but I do want to get myself out there.

ANSWERS

It sounds like you are mostly concerned with your self-image, what others will think of you and with not missing out on the opportunity to get what you want (dating this guy in French class). I'm afraid that this does come across as not very mature. However, you are young and relationships will offer you great opportunities to grow and mature.

Will the guy in French class understand if he finds out that you asked him out before you broke up? It's impossible for us to know.

I think that any boyfriend or girlfriend would consider it a breach of trust if their partner asked someone else out before they broke up. So, it may be in your best interests to find 30 minutes in the coming week and break up first.

Thank you so much! A day is all I needed to think about it. I AM very concerned with my self-image, and I don't know whether I'm getting into relationships right now just for show or if I'm really interested in the guys that I date. I'm very conscious of what my friends think and I think that reflects a bit of my own opinions (if my friend asked a guy out before breaking up with her boyfriend, I'm pretty sure I won't approve).

I hear stories of people cheating on their boyfriends/girlfriends and I decided I don't want to be those kind of people nor do I want to attract those kind of people. If the perfect guy comes along, he will! High school has really limited options so I'll wait. I'll find that coffee time for my current boyfriend because he really is a sweet guy and he doesn't deserve any of this.

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