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Is he not interested if he doesn't contact me FIRST?

Published on April 6, 2014 by sunnyskies222

I went to NY last month for a job interview which I got and accepted. I am moving there at the end of next month. While I was there, I met a guy who is 32, and he gave me his number. I got really interested in him. So last Sunday, I messaged him first, and became Facebook friends. I was bold which was unlike me, and I don't know what came over me. I told him I was interested in him. I don't know if he was curious too, but we ended up texting for about 7 hours. We will hang out once I move there. I know texts are nothing, but we ended the convo with him saying he was interested too.

For the next few days, I was again intiating the conversation. He would respond within 20 minutes or so and we would text again. We talked on the phone and he said things like how I intimidated him because we are so different, but it is a good thing. He sent me a picture of him too. But again...I was always the first to. So I decided not to text him and see if he would yesterday. I didn't hear from him. But he "liked" my profile picture on facebook that I changed to. Today, I don't hear from him, but I see he's on facebook, leaving comments or posting up posts. So it's not like he's busy. He has the time to text me. It's been 2 days already.

What do I do? Do I just let it go? Do I not text him?


Dear sunnyskies222,

What did we do in the days before cell phones, texting and facebook? If a guy didn't call us for 1/2 a day, did we freak out? Why is it with all this information access at our finger tips that we are now sitting by our iphones obsessing over why he's not texting us?

My dear, if you want to see if he's truly interested, then don't keep contacting him first and see what happens. The question is, are you really willing to lay off long enough to find out? If he's really interested, he will put his words into action and let it be known.

He may not be a huge texter, you have no idea what he's really doing from minute to minute and it isn't fair to decide for him how quickly he should be getting back to you. Some guys just aren't are big on texting constantly as we are. They may go in spurts, but they may be worried as to how they'll come across as well if they are at your beck and call on texting. They may feel like they'll appear as if they don't have a life. It's tough when you're anxious and interested in someone who seems so far to be a non-mutant as they can be hard to come by.

By the way, this whole who should do the contacting first can become a game in an of itself. I make it a point not to play games. If I'm interested, I'll text the guy first. No shame in that. If he's interested, he'll match in actions. If he's not interested, he'll not respond. But again, you just met this guy and you have no idea what he's got going on in his life. I have blown it with some great guys who were interested in me but just not tied at the hip to their phone. My obsession over their fb activity or not texting me made me come across as clingy and needy.

Get your life going straight. Give it another day or so. He may be trying to give you space to do your move and not come across as clingy either. If you don't hear from him, text him and once engaged in conversation straight up ask him about his texting habits so you know what to expect. Don't be afraid to be the first one to send pics, call, text, etc. But just be weary if you're always the one to make contact and you don't feel like he's making any effort to initiate contact. Too early to tell at this point but just keep your eyes open. Focus on your move and your new job and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Good luck.