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Infidelity

Published on July 25, 2014 by sipnme80

My husband had a fling and states he did not cheat on me, If he had a continuous conversation with a co-worker and couldn't wait to text her first thing in the morning, late at night, do you consider this cheating and should I give my marriage another chance?

ANSWERS

I feel he did cheat but won't admit it and if he just tell the truth, I feel it would be better for the both of us. and then we can make a decision to move on or stay together.

Do you have some good reason to assume he is lying or failing to tell the full truth? If he has been honest and faithful for the past 20+ years, and this is the first major issue of this kind, then I believe you owe it to him to give him the benefit of the doubt before you accuse him of something he denies.

Everyone has a different definition of cheating. Sit down with your husband and explain to him what "cheating" means to you... is it just physical romance that constitutes infidelity, or is 'emotional' cheating (ie. flirting, texting) equally hurtful to you?

This also offers a good opportunity to have a discussion about the health of your marriage, identify problems, and re-affirm your mutual dedication to have a healthy and loyal relationship.

Here's an article on how to have a mature and healthy relationship -- might be worth reading/sending to your husband to help kick-start the discussion: http://www.lovelearnings.com/dating-advice/guide-to-building-healthy-mature-relationship

Perhaps he didn't cheat physically, but what you've described is walking a fine line and definitely inappropriate. Those situations can escalate easily. You need to have some good communication about boundaries and exactly what is expected of him. If you feel you are not getting the full truth, feel free to contact this woman directly and see what her side of the story is. You might be surprised

There are many different forms of cheating and ultimately the question of whether or not he was engaging in an emotional and/or physical affair with a co-worker can only be answered by evaluating what YOU feel is cheating. Once you get clear on the standards and boundaries you have when it comes to what constitutes cheating then you will be able to assess whether or not he did in fact step outside the confines of the relationship. If you need any help with creating those standards and boundaries please let me know! Best, Laura Brown http://www.yourtango.com/experts/LauraBrown

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