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I'm the number #1 not the only one?

Published on July 2, 2010 by grissa

I've been seeing someone for over 10 months, in the beginning we both agreed it wasn't exclusive. Then I started to fall for him. He has continued to make it clear that he cares about me alot but feels he cannot commit. If he doesnt commit he feels the blow will be less harsh! Yeah right. He actually asked me, whats the big deal if i bang someone else for 5 minutes every once in awhile. I have broken it off a few times, and we can't stay away from each other. Every relationship he has, one of them has cheated, so I guess I am paying the price. He said I am the best girl he has ever been with. So, why isn't he taking a chance on us? I don't understand this. He sleeps at my house basically every night, is a big part of my daughters life, has met the family, etc...I have been crying for 5 days, and it's hurting me so badly. I don't know what to do, he says that he's not saying he will never want a relationship that's just him & me but cannot tell me when, etc. I feel like I am falling apart, and I don't know what to do. Do I just deal with it or do I just stay away from him.

ANSWERS

Never make someone a priority when all you are is an option.

You lack self-love. There is no logical reason for you to stay with this guy when you kno what he's doing and what he's about. He has no reason to change. Why should he? You've broken it off, but you go back to him, or allow him to come back to you. He has it good! This whole setup is gravy for him! He can bang any chick he wants (and TELL you about) and you STAY with him?

Sweetie, you're number 1, alright...just not the number 1 that you THINK you are. Whether you know it or not, you're his number 1 fool, because that's how he's playing you.

This is something that many men are pulling now a days. What has happened is that you allowed yourself to get involved without the commitment,you allowed him to milk the cow before he purchased it.. You are trying to shape him into the man that you want by allowing him to be in your child's life and your families world. have you met his family has he brought you into his world, maybe he wants the relationship but doesnt want to place the title on it, that way he can have his cake and icecream too, i say if he has introduced you to his family then he has strong feelings for you but if you dont know mom and he' s at your home most of the time there is a red flag there... He may not have any plans for the future, words dont mean much so he can say anything and it still be nothing what matters is his actions, he will show that he wants you in his life, so many times we get caught up on the convo and not the actions, look at what he does and it will be clear of what his plans are ,you in his future or not. At this point you have fed into the situation to much, he has the land and everything in it, the only person who is on hold is you, there are two things that you can do, one is stay in it and see who is the last woman standing but you have to be good at what you do and not hound him any more just except it for what it is and see where it goes very risky but everything is a risk, if your happy and he treats you well then enjoy the risk, just understand you may never get what you want and you may get it but later and he cant put a time on it.. or you can decide that you want and need security and prefer him to commit verbally, doesnt mean he wont cheat but you would have the promise and end the current relationship as it is until he is ready for what you want, but you have to be really strong and cut him off dont call him start dating other guys and hanging out, see what else is out there, if he loves you , hell commit if he doesnt and its not that important to him then he will let you go, whatever the case it may be for your good to let him go and see if he returns, good luck....

Dear Grissa

Is that what you want your daughter to learn? To let a man choose her to be his toy, be at his beck and call, let him use her, take advantage of her friendship, of her loving, and not give anything to her in return? Do you think this is a good plan for your daughter? Is that really what you wish for her? I am going to go out on a limb and assume that you are a good mother and think that no, that's not what you want for your daughter. I am going to assume that you want for your daughter a man who will love her, take care of her, will protect her, will make her happy, will take her on and marry her to keep her safe someday.

Since that's what a good mother wants for her daughter, why aren't you wanting something like that for yourself? Were I in your shoes, I would tell this joker to take a hike and never call you back. He's injured from his former girlfriend cheating on him but he's not injured enough not to have sex and take advantage of you. If he's injured from that, he has no business dating, he needs to go to a shrink and get some psychotherapy in order for him to be healthy again and not to lead women on like he's doing to you and the other women foolish enough to give him the time of their day.

In the end it's not completely his fault because he told you he doesn't want to get involved but you didn't listen. Do yourself a favor, stop the crying, this is not good for you or your daughter. Tell this parasite to stop sucking your blood with your consent and leave you alone. Have more self regard and treat yourself as a prize so other men will do too and don't play this game of going out with someone who's not into exclusivity, there are diseases out there that can kill you besides, no matter what people told you, that we women can have sex without getting attached, that's the biggest lie ever told and you found out the hard way. You became attached to this guy when you both agreed that your relationship was not exclusive.

Think about your daughter, what she's learning from this. I have two children and I know that we can say what we want but they learn faster but the behaviors we display. LET HIM GO. Concentrate on your daughter, she needs her mommy stronger and not weak, frayed, crying about a man who doesn't deserve her.

LET HIM GO! You're stronger than you think!! Good luck! My very best to you.

cristinarobinson.com

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