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I'm In Love With My FWB

Published on December 31, 2013 by iminlove_hesinlust

Okay, super sticky situation here! I have been hooking up with a high school friend of mine on and off for a year and 3 months now. It started as sex, nothing more, I knew this was the deal because he had a girlfriend the first time we hooked up. This continued for 6 months, we would see each other about once a week intimately and almost every weekday in a school setting. Of course, I fell in love, and still am. During this 6 months, there was the one girlfriend that was already there, another FWB of his, 2 other potential relationships, and (5 days after I called it off) one of the potential became girlfriend. We hardly spoke for 7 months after that happened, and we have recently gotten back together. I thought I was totally over him, though I had not been with anyone else, I was not craving his attention like I previously had been. He sent me a text message (also had a girlfriend at this time, totally different from the above mentioned) and asked me to come over. I told him no, then got drunk 3 days later and ended up sleeping with him again. Him and girlfriend broke up 2 weeks later, and him and I are currently still hooking up occasionally with no other girls on his side. I'm madly in love with this d-bag, and he tells me he loves me too but doesn't want a relationship, fine- I'm not a relationship type anyway, but I am worried I will lose him to someone else again. We have always been good friends and have always been able to be there for one another and we hang out without doing the dirty sometimes. I've even recently started to meet his friends, and we all hung out at my house with some of my girlfriends about a month ago, so he is not trying to hide me and keep me out of his personal life like he was before our 7 month break. We also text more often, about nothing than we did before. I feel like he is in a way wanting more than FWB from me now, but I am terrified of losing this man again. Before the break it was only sex, come over, get it done, go home. Now it is sex, but there is more talking, cuddling, and kissing involved. What should I make of all this? Should I get my hopes up or not? I have talked to him about a relationship many times, to no avail. I am 100% OK with not being in a relationship with this person, but I am constantly worrying about who or what he is doing when I am not around. I feel like I'm getting on his nerves, I'm too clingy, I'm starting to want too much, and I'm eventually going to push him away. Has anyone else had a situation like this? Any advice on how to make him want me as much as I want him? Should I call it quits and deal with the pain for a few months, or just appreciate the little time I get with him? He has always come back to me, 3 girlfriends, 2 other FWBs, and a year and 3 months and I am the only one that is still here for him. What else can I do?! Thanks all!!!!

ANSWERS

Don't waste your time on someone who isn't ready to commit, take 2014 as an opportunity to care for yourself and then find someone who values you for more than just the "benefits".

Whether you want a relationship or not, women are biologically programmed to fall in love with the men we have sex with. Google biological anthropologist Helen Fisher -- her writing on the topic is fascinating. A hormone called oxytocin that courses through us when we have sex leads to feelings of attachment, whether we want them or not.

The short answer to your dilemma is, to stop feeling clingy about him you will have to stop having sex with him.

Sorry! I think we've all been there, and it sucks.

UGH. This is what is wrong with the world, in a nutshell.

This guy does not care about you.

You are risking your health, your heart, your sense of self… and for what? So you can feel superior to the other girls for a fraction of a moment?

Be alone with yourself! Look out for yourself! Learn to love yourself!

The guy that loves and adores you can't find you or even see you, when you cheat yourself like this.

Honestly girl.. I wouldn't stay with that. Yes I understand you love this guy, but he's a straight PLAYER. All you are to him is a booty call. He goes to when he needs the sex and doesn't want to be with you further than that. I liked a guy like that before and all he wanted was sex. We were friends just like you and your FWB is. We talked to each other through everything. We dated once and then broke up. After he was trying to hook up and of course (because I liked him, I wanted to.) But he told people we weren't and that we never dated.. Leave him honey.. Show him you don't need him. Find someone better.

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