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i'm happily married but want to have sex with others

Published on July 3, 2010 by kat87

I'm happily married to my husband but I want to have sex with other people. I want to talk to him about having an open marriage but I'm not sure how to go about it without him thinking i'm cheating on him. If I have sex with other people I want him to have sex with other people too.

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This will cause you nothing but heartache! If you didn't wanna commit yourself to one person then why did you bother getting married? You say you're happy with your husband,well then why can't that be enough? Marriage was NOT designed for this kind of thing,it was designed for ONE man and ONE woman period! I will be praying for you.

I'm a little confused, you're happily married but want to be with other men?

If you and your husband sleep with others, then it sounds like you'd be living as single people, not a married couple. These "open marriage" arrangements usually don't end well. If you're truly happily married, I wouldn't take the risk.

If the reason you want to sleep with other men is because your married sex life needs some spicing up - then by all means, spice it up! There's so much you can do to make your sex life more exciting with your husband, and you won't need to look outside your marriage.

kat87, I don't think your desires mean you're unhappily married or will necessarily lead to heartache. You and your husband know best what "marriage" and "happy" mean to you--I'm not sure any of us could judge that for you.

We have an entire blog dedicated to open relationships that you might find useful: http://www.yourtango.com/blogs/open-up

Let us know how it goes.

I think the key is to that you need to be open to the idea that he will say no, he doesn't want an open marriage. If he knows you're just making a suggestion, he will probably respond better to the discussion.

I think it's also important if you decide to open your marriage that you leave an out. Agree ahead of time that if either one of you wants it to stop, you will.

You could start by asking him what he thinks of the idea in general.

The other thing is you're going to have to be ready to talk about why you want to have sex with other men. He may wonder if you're unhappy with your sex life with him. He may wonder if there are specific friends you're interested in.

Also, I don't think you can say you want him to sleep with other people. He may or may not want to do that himself.

A little advice - open relationships are difficult. Jealousy is natural and normal and part of love. You may discover that you don't like it. I think it's a very risky thing to do. Make sure you have a really good reason to do it. If you want more spice in your sex life, try getting it at home. Are you trying to prove you can get another guy? Are you crushing on someone more than you realize? Do you just want some excitement?

Absolutely don't open your relationship to fix it. That's like having a kid to fix things.

I'm not confused by your question, but I do have some ideas that you might consider. I would take a look at your wants vs you needs, because you state that you *want to be with others. My point of view is that extramarital sex usually falls into two categories- gluttony and/or an escape. Likening it to drugs and hard drinking, this can't be too good for you in the long run. Although and open marriage seems progressive and enlightening, I would take note that Jealousy does not go out of style, especially the jealousy of people other than yourself. All I'm saying is that this like having that double fudge chocolate cake and not realizing that soon or later enough of it will make you fat. When will you know enough is enough? That might not be as easy as it feels that it will be. Secondarily, if you or your husband were to do this for some form of escape from reality, there are no guarantees that one of you might not start liking the escape more than the reality-i.e. your marriage and family life. Sure everybody is entitled to some cake, but that could have been handled when you were single.

About marriage, desires and sexuality. I'll be the first to tell you that my marriage is not cookie cutter molded. I don't pretend that I've morphed into betty-rachel-crocker-ray, so I do not preach what's "supposed" to be or what is righteous. My husband and I like to be honest (sometimes too honest) with each other and that usually comes out in our conversations about sex and marriage. I will bet good money that if your husband were to fully accept this situation, it probably wouldn't be this hard to bring up. Most open couples probably teased and hinted around plenty before making the decision, so that might be a first step, if you are really serious. But, you should really consider all of the possible outcomes and plan for Murphy to dictate his Law.

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