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I'm falling in love with my roommate! Help!

Published on May 7, 2010 by m5driver

Hi so I'm a guy that recently had a new roommate move into my condo that is female. This is the first time that I have ever lived with a female that I'm not having sex with, so this is very new and exciting for me. I am a type of guy who for many years was looking to find someone to fall in love with and get married. However my dating experiences over the last few years have left me frustrated and feeling a little hopeless. So I decided to stop dating for a while just to do the things that I want to do and fun with my life. Well I haven't dated in a couple of months and I just had this beautiful girl move in with me. We are both around the same age, I'm 31 and she is 32. We both have so much in common and spend a lot of time together and seem to want the same things in life pretty much. But here's the problem, she hasn't even been living with me for a week! And already I'm starting to have feelings for her. I am the type of guy likes to fall hard in love and I want all the passion and lust that goes into a relationship with the heat turned all the way up. I've already seen signs that I'm falling for her though. Like I can't wait to get up in the morning so I can see her in the kitchen getting ready for work, I think about her when I'm at work, wondering what it is today that I could do for her. She's not perfect but I think she is the most wonderful compatable girl I've met in years, and I'm so surprised because she's the kind of girl I would not normally go for. She's single and hasn't been in a relationship for a long time either. My plan for the near future is just to continue building our friendship and let things happen naturally if anything was to happen at all. It already hurts to think about her hooking up with another guy though, and I know that it could happen and I've already accepted that that is a possibility. I really don't feel like dating other girls right now, but does anybody think its a good idea to do that? I just hate playing games though. I know I can't just come out and tell her that I'm starting to have feelings for her, I know that it might scare her if I did that, and then it would make things awkward. I need advice on this ladies and gentlemen, I just don't want to screw things up and ruin a chance for me to finally find somebody.

ANSWERS

I think you should give it more time. get a bunch of people over and have one talk about how great you are so she starts looking at you in that way. then in a few weeks have people over again and have the same person say something subtly that you guys should be together. its a little high school ish but if your not sure how she is feeling its a slower way to build the relationship. you don't want to push things because she will move out and you wont see her. since you live together you have the chance to see how she is all the time, make a stay in date night, tell her your going to cook dinner and then play some kinda game, cards or Wii or whatever you have. dont ask her if she likes you just see where she is in her dating life, what she wants, what she is looking for, see if you fit into that and take things slow until you get the feeling she likes you too.

To be honest, you might be projecting on this girl just a little bit. You've been unlucky in love and then all of a sudden along comes this girl who is easy to live with and not bad on the eyes and you think that everything is perfect, because its so easy. But its easy because you aren't dating. You two don't have to wade through those messy complicated swamps that people who are in a relationship do. She is there, she is pretty and living with her (so far) as been easy, also, you haven't been dating anyone so, it make sense that you would fall in "love." But step back and get some perspective. You are probably projecting.

You've lived with her and known her for only a couple of weeks now. Hang back and let things develop.If she likes you too, she will give you clues. But the home is a safe place, you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable in her own home by coming on too soon and too fast.

Thanks to both of you! I have taken both of your advices and I have talked to another friend of mine. Yeah, the last thing I want to do is project on her. I have definitely chilled out with my feelings though. I am just playing it cool, until I learn more about her. So far we get along so great. It seems like everytime I'm around her or talk to her, she is always smiling and I make her laugh. Maybe that's a sign, maybe it isn't. Maybe you are right, maybe it's because we aren't dating and that dynamic isn't there. I tend to not think of her so much anymore, plus I have a lot of other stuff going on in my life right now, but I still think she is beautiful, and I hope one day if the time is right, and I still feel the same, I will be able to tell her. A friend of mine told me to act like I don't care when I'm around her, I think that is pretty good advice too.

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